Handling Being Fuck Buddies

“I just haven’t told her about you yet,” Lenka said.

“You haven’t told her that we’re fuck buddies,” I replied.

Lenka’s eyes sank down from mine.  She nervously smiled as her shoulders shrugged when she inhaled.  “I don’t like that word,” she said.

Lenka had never been in a relationship.  From what she told me, she was always nervous around boys and now men.  Although she was obviously beautiful, athletically slender, and most importantly, she had incredibly exceptional skills in the kitchen, she had never had the privilege of being asked out.  She believed that since she grew up this way she always had commitment issues.  She was scared of being anyone’s girlfriend.  She had never been part of an item.

I, on the other hand, wanted to be in a relationship.  The long pressured nights of trying to pull girl’s numbers, and find ways, and places, to pull off their clothes and fuck them was becoming stale and bland, not to mention took a heavy toll on who I wanted to be.  I, of course, enjoyed sex.  The chase for it was becoming less and less exciting.  After awhile I just wanted someone to hold in my arms and wake up next to.  I just wanted someone to stay.

I understood where Lenka was in life; just graduated college, lives in an apartment, no parties, dinner with wine, and a nine to five job.  She was an adult.  It was her time to have “me time.”  It was her time to be an independent woman, and I didn’t feel right imposing on that.

To be in a relationship is to hope that someday you’ll have someone plop on one knee and give the whole wedding snow brigade; the white diamond ring, the white dress, the white church, with white flowers, probably even in a few inches of fluffy white snow.  However, why would an early twenty something want to get into a relationship?  Are they saying, “Yeah I call this guy my boyfriend because I want him to marry me in a few months.”

If the twenty something relationship isn’t looking for wedding bells, what are you looking forward to, other than the end?  If this isn’t the ideal guy, what are they holding out for?  Is it because these young twenty something’s can’t see themselves having a fuck buddy, a sexual partner that comes in and out of their lives.  Or is it because they want to take long chastised turns at a time so they won’t be labeled as sluts, whores, or polygamist?

The human body yearns to have human contact.  Yearns for ecstasy, yearns for touch, lips, grabbing, sex, sex, and more sex.   In American society you never hear about a celebrity going from bed to bed to bed with other celebrities.  If it is, it’s at least hidden, and if it is you don’t hear much of it.  However, us American’s, love celebrity break ups, celebrity get togethers, and celebrity get back togethers.  For a long time I’ve wondered, what is it that makes young twenty somethings seat themselves into a relationship.

A few months ago I made future plans to go traveling.  I thought of gorgeous places like backpacking all over Europe; walking the hills of Ireland, taking pictures of Rome, partying in Barcelona, and exploring the taste of authentic Italian pizza.  I thought about vagabonding all over Asia, Australia, South America; attempting to dance horribly to Bollywood, exploring the jungles in Brazil, having a beer in Australia while staring at Koalas.  I wondered what it would all be like, the scents, the taste, the feel.  Then I laid there thinking, “Wouldn’t it be nice to share that with someone.”

By Jonathan Manor

5 responses to “Handling Being Fuck Buddies

  1. Hmm I have a different idea of young-twenty-something relationships. I’m in a relationship because I love my boyfriend – whether it ends in disaster or marriage isn’t a concern for me; I enjoy what we have right now, in the present. Nobody knows what will happen down the line, so why worry about it? I’m not going out with him with an objective in mind. If I fall out of love I’ll end it. If I only liked him, he’d be a fuckbuddy. But to turn down a relationship with someone you fall in love with just because you’re in your early twenties seems a bit narrow-minded, no?

  2. “She was scared of being anyone’s boyfriend. ”

    Btw surely this should be ‘girlfriend’?

  3. love this post!
    I had it sitting as a tab for like a week, I just haven’t had a chance to read it until now!

    Anyways, I’m in this same situation, sorta. well yeah. So I recently started dating a guy and after the 2nd or 3rd date we talked about what we wanted… we are both on different pages, which really isn’t a good thing cuz im left sort of struggling. He’s younger than me, and you know what, you’re right when you talk about being a young 20something and how being in a relationship is pointless other than the fact of possibly getting married. I’ve been in relationships though, in my young 20s, but now i’m looking to settle down…soon!!! Like I said, he’s young so he’s def not thinking about that.

    So, we aren’t in a relationship we are just seeing each other, we enjoy spending time and doing things together and we enjoy fucking each other. I’m okay with it, but I do tend to get a bit antsy once in a while….am I wasting my time? Should I stop myself from investing more of my feelings into this?

    I’m still taking it one day at a time, and i do hope that he’ll want to take a serious step forward, until then I’m going to have fun and have a semi-gaurd up 🙂

    Where’s the post about how u and Lenka took that step forward?

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