In a world where chivalry is practically dead, where a feminist will not let a man open a door for her, and where more guys are paying for sex and jerking off to porn than ever, there is one man, the average man, the creepy guy who stares at a girl the wrong way from across the room until she leaves feeling awkward. Who is that guy? He’s the “needy” guy.
He’s the guy who pops down on one knee and proposes when he feels like his girlfriend is going to leave him. Why does he do this? It’s because he knows he’s been a crap boyfriend and he knows that you’re probably the best thing that ever happened to him. And probably in most occurrences, he wants to continue to treat you like crap.
Tip for women: Don’t get married before you turn 25. Even better don’t get married until you’ve started drinking legally.
Us men, we’ve craved sex ever since we could understand ejaculation. Us men! Only 5% of us are truly monogamous. How do I know that? Because I watched Someone Like You and they just had that fun fact. (HA!) By the way, the movie was terrible acting but not so much an awful waste of time as most romantic comedies.
The truth is, most of us don’t know how to talk to women properly and more importantly, modernly. Most men will never know how to approach a woman at a bar, or on the side of the street. Some adult men can’t even talk to their coworkers because it’s too much to be in the presence of beautiful women. And somehow men will always talk about how beautiful women are and give women the most incredible compliments that some women deserve to hear, yearn to hear, but unfortunately those women will never be around those conversations to hear it.
Somehow the average man will never admit that he sucks at talking to women, go on through life thinking that he has all the answers, drops the most panties, and doesn’t come home to his empty apartment with a bottle of Jack Daniels and stale refrigerated food. Somehow the average man will never go out and ask for advice. And sometimes, he’ll go out and get that much needed advice. But however, most of the time the average man will never be paying attention.
The average man isn’t complicated. Most of us somehow thought we had to stop learning after High School.
The average man is not at all complicated. He just wants to be happy and lazy at the same time.