How to make women’s lives miserable: The tragic story of the modern man.

In a world where chivalry is practically dead, where a feminist will not let a man open a door for her, and where more guys are paying for sex and jerking off to porn than ever, there is one man, the average man, the creepy guy who stares at a girl the wrong way from across the room until she leaves feeling awkward.  Who is that guy?  He’s the “needy” guy.

He’s the guy who pops down on one knee and proposes when he feels like his girlfriend is going to leave him.  Why does he do this?  It’s because he knows he’s been a crap boyfriend and he knows that you’re probably the best thing that ever happened to him.  And probably in most occurrences, he wants to continue to treat you like crap.

Tip for women:  Don’t get married before you turn 25.  Even better don’t get married until you’ve started drinking legally.

Us men, we’ve craved sex ever since we could understand ejaculation.  Us men!  Only 5% of us are truly monogamous.  How do I know that?  Because I watched Someone Like You and they just had that fun fact.  (HA!)  By the way, the movie was terrible acting but not so much an awful waste of time as most romantic comedies.

The truth is, most of us don’t know how to talk to women properly and more importantly, modernly.  Most men will never know how to approach a woman at a bar, or on the side of the street.  Some adult men can’t even talk to their coworkers because it’s too much to be in the presence of beautiful women.  And somehow men will always talk about how beautiful women are and give women the most incredible compliments that some women deserve to hear, yearn to hear, but unfortunately those women will never be around those conversations to hear it.

Somehow the average man will never admit that he sucks at talking to women, go on through life thinking that he has all the answers, drops the most panties, and doesn’t come home to his empty apartment with a bottle of Jack Daniels and stale refrigerated food.  Somehow the average man will never go out and ask for advice.  And sometimes, he’ll go out and get that much needed advice.  But however, most of the time the average man will never be paying attention.

The average man isn’t complicated.  Most of us somehow thought we had to stop learning after High School.

The average man is not at all complicated.  He just wants to be happy and lazy at the same time.


7 responses to “How to make women’s lives miserable: The tragic story of the modern man.

  1. “where a feminist will not let a man open a door for her”

    I’m going to assume you’re being sarcastic, but if not, I just want to touch upon this. I am a feminist, as I argue everyone (man or woman) should be, and I have no problem with doors being opened for or held open for me. I open and hold doors for others as well, men and women alike. There is absolutely no problem with a door being opened for someone when it is done out of courtesy, care, and/or politeness. The feminist issue with this is that doors were open for women in the past because they were seen as the “weaker” sex, i.e., they needed to be treated like children and have everything done for them. As I think most men have more or less rid themselves of this mentality in their view of women, I see no issue in a door being opened. It’s nice! Just don’t feel emasculated if we grab the door for you as well.

  2. I too want to be happy and lazy at the same time. Too bad the average man is afraid to talk to me, my lazy involves making pies.

  3. Totally agree with not marrying before 25. I got married at 22 and started having babies at 23. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER. While my friends were whoring themselves out at bars I was at home trying to mix formula right so my infant didn’t choke. 🙂

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