The Cure for Assholes and Losers: How Gambling makes Dating Easier

I use to play a lot of Texas Hold’em.  I still consider myself pretty good at it today.  I liked it because poker had a lot to do with life.  There’s a lot about poker that parallels everything that we do.  How to play one of life’s hands.  How and when to make moves.  How to use body language to express certain cues.  Pretty much how to win at the tables all comes down to how smart you play.  There’s a lot of people at the poker tables that are just desperate for money.  They play a hand as if it’s their last hand that they’ll never play another hand in their lives.  These people tend to lose a lot.  They lose a lot because they think like idiots.  They lose because they don’t have control.  A lot of poker has to do with controlling what you want to express; which is also a major attribute when it comes to successfully dating women.

There are two types of people who continuously lose at poker.  The aggressive players and the passive players.  Aggressive players tend to bluff their way through every hand hoping to steal small pots and accumulate chips.  On the other hand, passive players don’t make enough moves and don’t play enough hands to accumulate chips.  The problem with aggressive players is that they bluff so often that it’s not long until one of their opponents catches on and calls them out on one of their plays.  The problem with passive players is that they’re too conscious of their stack to make any plays in the first place. This is much like the two most unsuccessful men when it comes to dating.  You have your men that are too aggressive and you have your men that are too passive.

Aggressive Men and Dating:

Aggressive men are the type of men who feel as if they could do anything without having drawbacks.  These type of men tend to dismiss other people’s feelings and other people’s space.  Ultimately, they tend to repel people.

How to spot an aggressive man:

  • They’re usually loud.  Somehow they feel the need to yell even when there isn’t loud music to yell over, large crowds, and the people he’s conversing with are practically in conversational range.
  • They usually laugh at their own jokes even though no one else is laughing.
  • They talk about sexually driven subjects incessantly, in way that’s too sudden and too often and at most times before a relationship has even been given time to build.
  • They have awful hygiene.  They usually smell of beer and cigarettes or some close combination of unearthly chemicals.  They tend to not shave very often.
  • They tend to have these rapist staring tendencies.

Passive Men and Dating:

Passive men have the issue of taking orders from everyone and being everyone’s bitch (literally.)  They usually feel the need to please everyone.  Since they try to please everyone they’ve inherited the nickname of being a “tool.”  A lot of this doesn’t seem that bad, however, what passive men lack is a sense of passion.  A passion is usually what makes men unique and different from one another.  Since they lack such a powerful attribute when it comes to dating, they tend to blend in with everyone else who’s too afraid to take risks and make a move; leaving them hidden from attracting any type of women.

How to spot a passive man:

  • Most of their movements are small and common.  Their range of actions are minimal.  You almost never see them dance, or they have some type of large protest against dancing.
  • Most passive men altogether stand up straight with their beer close to their stomach in the spot right below their sternum, with their arm at a somewhat 80 degree angle.  This is the common position that most boring frightened men entail.
  • Most passive men have a speech impediment in which they’re not loud enough for anyone to comprehend.  Even in loud crowded places like bars and clubs people usually have to ask them to repeat themselves numerous times.
  • They usually dress a step behind most fashion that’s up do date.  They tend to be equipped with large Vanhuesen polo shirts and jeans labeled baggy instead of relaxed (which is the furthest that men’s jeans should go.)
  • They usually don’t know how to have a good time.

Theories/ Diagnosis:

There’s a lot of reasons why someone would find themselves to be either too aggressive or too passive.  Some aggressive people are stuck in their category because they use to be popular in high school and are use to having people agree with them.  After leaving high school they still keep that mindset that they’re always right in everything that they do.  Another reason why people might find themselves in the aggressive category is because they’ve been exiled or outcasted by people their whole life, either by not fitting in or avoiding people altogether, in which they tend to blame everyone else for their problems, hate the world, and indefinitely divide themselves from caring about anyone else’s feelings.  This leads to anger, isolation, and denial in a sense where they always believe that they’re right.

Passive people on the other hand have been heavily nurtured in a way that they don’t know what it is to break from their nesting.  Not only does this pertain to family but it also pertains to friends.  Passive people tend to follow whatever their friends do.  This leads to them only taking advantage of a limited amount of knowledge usually found within the bubble of their friend’s knowledge.  They end up with an inability to make their own choices and follow their own paths.  This leads to a mediocre and painful life.

The Upside/ Treatment:

The answer to a great social life and dating life is not that anyone shouldn’t be the passive or aggressive person, but that they should be a balance of both.  Going back to the poker analogy, you need to make plays to win the game (aggressive,) and you need to play smart by considering other people’s actions to make sure you don’t lose (passive.)  When it comes to dating, women aren’t going to just give directions for every little thing.  However men can’t just assume the green light is on for everything.  Men have to know when to ask a girl out, when to go in for the kiss, and when is it okay to move further.

If you observe the game of poker, the people who make the moves end up winning more than the people who wait for a good hand to play.  This not only goes for dating, but it also goes for practically everything else.  In fights, the person who wins is usually the person who throws the most punches.  In work, the person who gets the promotion is the person who’s more involved at work than anyone else is.   It’s the same with dating.  A man who waits for a woman to ask him out is pretty pathetic.  In some cases, even the most pathetic men get lucky.

However, luck isn’t something worth bragging about.


Read last life lesson here:  How Nickelodeon Taught me to become a better Son


21 responses to “The Cure for Assholes and Losers: How Gambling makes Dating Easier

  1. Have you ever heard of the infamous Dr. Paul?

    He’s one of those “pop” psychologists (not quite up there with Dr. Phil, but similar, of course…) but he’s pretty on point. He talks about something very similar. He says that we all feel anger, and it always turns into one of three things: aggression, depression (passiveness), or assertion. I can’t quite think of how it applies to poker, but I’m sure it does somehow.

    • I understand there’s a difference between aggression and assertion being an emotional context, however they’re pretty much the same word. Passiveness or depression, sadness, usually means that you don’t have the drive to do anything. Choosing to move forward is a result of either aggression or assertion, so therefore it should be one or the other.

  2. Do you think this overly passive and overly aggressive nature while dating applies to women, as well?

    • I am pretty sure there are aggressive and passive women. There are the overly shy nerdy types of women and there are the drunk “live like you’ll die” college sluts. Whether or not men will find these types of women attractive is probably where there will be a double standard. Especially in this generation, there seems to be a divided portion of men that will always fall in love with some particular type of woman.

      You should watch a movie called Alfie with Jude Law. In the movie Law plays a womanizer. He takes advantage of the passive nature of some women, and he’s also taken advantage of by aggressive women. I loved the movie, it features music by Mick Jagger and is directed in a very spiritual sense.

      • Better yet, the original with Michael Caine.

      • I’ve never seen the original, I saw the trailer and the ending as I was trying to find Alfie with Jude Law. Michael looks pretty old there, and he doesn’t look too much like your city bachelor. I don’t know how I feel about that.

  3. Smart post, very thoughtful.

  4. I think I appreciated the zen-poker-life metaphor then the assessment of potential daters. Your observations are interesting, not to mention paint clear characters, but using it as a basis for dating would only be necessary if I was the kind of person who turned to columns for dating advice. Lol, you should do an assessment of them next.

  5. An assessment of the kind of people who turn to columns, silly! I would love to see what you think of a cosmo cover to cover..( they manage to rephrase how to please your man so many times on every monthly cover I am continually amazed they are working with the same 26 letters as me.) I dig your writing style, the critical nature of my statement is tempered by that, but also fueled by my uneasiness with broad strokes and generalization. Snap shots are still fun to take though, and it isn’t as though I don’t take them. Write on, writer.

    • Oh yeah, of course! This isn’t going to be the last my blog has seen of assholes and losers, and passive and aggressive males. I’ll certainly be linking back to this post a lot. The blog will get a lot of this critical nature fueled with generalizations. Thanx for your kind words and input Talk-O!

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  7. The Quest For 50

    I thought I had already commented on this, but it must have been a different game + poker-related post. I totally agree with what you wrote here: I’ve found it applicable to attracting women and to playing poker. Athol Kay at Married Man Sex Life talks about balancing alpha and beta a lot. I think it is this balance, calibrated to your personality and look, that will maximize one’s potential with women. The parallels between poker and game are endless. If you’re good at one you’ll probably be good at the other.

    • Hey Dagonet!

      Thanks for visiting my site. I’ve been reading your blog for a good amount of time, and I think it’s interesting. I don’t understand any of the acronyms you use or certain terms, but for the most part it’s a very interesting and naughty concept. I can’t say I agree with your quest to get 50 women in bed, but I can’t say I agree with myself for telling people what they want to do with their lives. Do what makes you happy!

      I’ll definitely be shooting a lot more blog posts about poker and how it pertains to life. I have a thread about “faking it until you make it” and it’s about beating the corporate system of things but I correlate the idea with bluffing and poker. That’ll be coming up soon.

  8. Pingback: The Basic Guide to Alpha and Beta | The Titan Project

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  10. top notch points and I dig the post but what about the ugly issue of collusion in online poker?

  11. Pingback: 9 Reasons Why You Should Meet The Girl Next To You | THE TITAN PROJECT

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