17 Ways to Look Cooler Now!

How can someone look cool? Is it possible? Ever since the beginning of time people have longed to find out what’s so cool about that guy. From cowboys to rock and roll bands. Mozart to Robert Plant. Wolverine to Neo. What makes someone look cool? Below is 17 possible ways to look cooler now!

#1 Wear a V-Neck and, at the same time, pull off looking as if you still like women.

#2 Don’t just wear a leather jacket, wear a hooded sweater under it! It’s genius!

#3 Always extend your eyebrows to look interested but at the same time unexcited about what anyone is talking about.

#4 Move your hands a lot. People can concentrate better on what you’re talking about if you move your hands a lot.

#5 Make sure everyone knows that you play either poker or guitar. Those two things make you look douchey, but without all the doucheness. A good way to do this is to leave a guitar pick or a poker chip in your pocket along with some spare change. In the event that anyone would ask you for a quarter they’ll be surprised and aroused that you have one of the two things. Carry both for an instant orgasm.

#6 Ask people if they want spare change.

#7 Find out your size for jackets, then go one size over. Tight fitting clothes are essential. Tight fitting jackets are borderline fairy. They’re supposed to look heavier than your skin.

#8 Don’t shop at the same places your friends shop. Your friends are terrible with women.

#9 Make your own accessories. Rolex’s make you look like grandpa or a spoiled brat. A string on a piece of wood makes you look creative and adventurous.

#10 Don’t wear the necklace your friend gave you. Wear it as a bracelet. Don’t rep your friend’s fashion advice. Mock it by not wearing it in the way it was meant to be worn. Plus, layered bracelets are cool.

#11 Don’t get a hair cut if you want your hair to look messy; it makes everyone want to punch you in the face repeatedly.

#12 Know your facial and hair products. It makes all the difference when you could find a hair product that can stealthily make you look as if you didn’t even try to take a shower this morning.

#13 If everything else fails and you can’t help but to be ugly, brush your teeth. Nothing overcomes everything than a maintained straight white picket fence.  Keyword:  Straight.

#14 You’re expected to smile when you meet someone.

#15 Practice looking adorable and nurturing. Nobody likes an ogre.

#16 Be the guy who wears that certain article of clothing everyday. Life is like a job interview, it’s easier to remember someone when they’re consistent.

#17 Don’t wear a suit, take a shower, or fix your hair, people will expect too much from you if you try too hard. Have them expect nothing and it’ll only go uphill from there.

Merry Christmas!!!!!


27 responses to “17 Ways to Look Cooler Now!

  1. I don’t like seeing gay being a synoyme for stupid, but it’s your blog and I guess you are mostly writing to straight dudes who have no problem with it. Just sayin.
    Tight jackets look great. Think well tailored, first of all we can tell you spend money, second of all you give a care.

    Same thing every day? Ew. What sort of repeating article… like a back pack maybe? Because a fella with the same pair of pants ever day…as before, ew.

    I liked the advice about the bracelets. String wood and also the layering but I don’t think many of my straight dude friends ever wear any…let alone layers. More examples, perhaps?

    • I could’ve said dirty hipster but I was like, eh. I’m not against gay people or anything, I live in San Francisco. We’re very tolerant. Sorry about the vocab. I really don’t know if I was doing this to be serious or for comical relief. Everything’s kind of half laughable because it’s true. I might do more examples, but if I do they’ll be more specific.

      How do you find my blog so fast? It’s great!

  2. I love number 8, this is a fail proof list

    • Thanks Denise. I’m all for number 8. It makes so much more sense than it should. I should write a post on how people’s friends bring them down more than help them and how people who aren’t deserving give the most advice.

  3. Sounds like someone should have their own column in the style section of Allure.

  4. I love number 5. As a woman, if a man pulled change out of his pocket and a guitar pick came with it, I’d be instantly impressed. Though now I’d wonder if it was because they’d read this blog. So calculated, yet so casual.

    • yeah everyone reads my blog. EVERYONE!

      Actually my friend showed me it and I never got around to doing it. I wanted to learn how to do magic with a poker chip but I don’t have any.

  5. I will agree with 1, 2 and 5.
    Mostly 1, I dig a guy in a v-neck.

  6. Low expectations: The guaranteed way to always have a good day.

  7. Is “Ask people if they want spare change” supposed to be “ask people if they have spare change?” It’s really “cool” if you’re a rich kid to pretend to be homeless in my neighborhood.

    • Yep, hipster life. I wear the same kind of white T everyday and everyone thinks I’m a hipster. I like to go with the term “minimal super hero” 🙂

      I meant ask people if they want spare change. It connects with #5

  8. Nice list.

    I’ve got numbers 14 and 15 down.

  9. I wear both V-Necks and jackets with a hooded sweater under it! Does that make me cool? 🙂

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  11. Hey Jonathan,

    Lol! Your #11 tips is what i’m planning to do. Owh, and your #3 & #4, they are really, really cool! Man, I plan to go out to meet new people with the tips you shared here. Thanks & cheers :))

  12. Ramblings of a Singleton

    Interesting list, though you might consider calling 17 Ways to Look Cooler for early 20somethings. A guy in his late 20s wearing a piece of string around his wrist is a big turn-off.

  13. Yes to the guitar pick (although I know way too many guys who “play the guitar” rather than ACTUALLY play the guitar – my boyfriend is one of them), no to the poker chip. If a guy was reaching for change and a poker chip came out I’d assume he had a gambling problem.

    Maybe that’s a culture thing though. Not too many decent casinos around here, and the ones most frequented are DIVES, so wouldn’t hold someone in too much esteem if it seemed they spent a lot of time there…

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