Do You Intend To Fall In Love With Every Woman

I could feel her heart beating, her eyes wrecked on exploring what might be.  I could feel myself subconsciously reaching for my phone, but didn’t.  I simply returned her gesture with a simple grin and started walking away.  With every step I felt the immense feeling of loss, roping me back to her just for one more bite.  But I couldn’t.

I’ve done this a hundred times, led someone on and left abruptly.  I do it all the time, sometimes uncontrollably, sometimes with very inappropriate intentions.  At some point I made an effort to not retrieve any woman’s contact information, no matter how big, bright, and beautiful the outlook for the future might’ve been.  It felt like throwing away the perfect sunset without taking a picture.  This was before Lenka.

I was training myself to be in control of my feelings.  It’s like self inflicting pain to learn that it won’t kill you.  I couldn’t have every woman.  I didn’t intend to fall in love with everyone, yet I was slowly realizing that I was.  Every number, every call, and every text message, turned into a fantasy display of anticipated future fireworks and long waltzes across days of could be would be love.  With every pink lipped, tiny outlined cheeked, woman, I found that my intentions were unrealistic.  I was setting myself up for failure, more importantly, my unhappiness.  It was sad.

Intention

When I was younger I ran cross country.  During my first year of running all I wanted to do was be the fastest freshmen, which meant I had to beat one person, Sheldon.  I went to lengths, most impossible feats, and at the end of the first race, I was ahead of him all the way to the end.  But I didn’t stop there, I wanted more.

I picked out members of my team, picked out people from other schools.  I was on a murderous rampage to be more capable than any one of my targets.  I was faster than anyone from the school next to us.  The next school next to that one took me awhile, but after a year, I topped everyone who was in my league.  I did this over and over again, and I was never satisfied.

My coaches would ask me, why do I run?  Why was I on the team?  What drove me?

I would answer:

“There’s no better feeling than knowing that I’m better than someone else.”
“I want to be the best.”
“It’s pride.”

The thoughts of inadequacy fueled my desire to train harder, to get up at 5am to run 9 more miles before school started, in addition to our regularly scheduled practices.  My thoughts of not being good enough became my perseverance.

My coaches and teammates told me I was running for all the wrong reasons.  That someday there won’t be people to beat, someday I’ll find myself defeated, someday I’ll grow old and start withering away and my hopes of beating my PR would peak, and I would plummet.  They told me, the only way to truly love something is to love every moment of it no matter what it curtails.

Why did they do it?

“Because I seriously love to run.”

. . . they would say.

If You Don’t Love Every Moment, You’re Just Lying To Yourself

I was never trying to impress my friends when I took down a woman’s number.  Their abilities to meet women weren’t exactly up to par.

I was never rating women on a scale of one to ten, measuring whether or not someone were to be deserving of me, as if I was the grand prize of some elimi-date.

However, my real intentions was to fall in love.  That maybe someday we could lay in bed for hours on end with no other intentions other than to be together forever on clouds of happily ever after.  That’s where I went wrong, that’s where I became needy.  And because of that, I was setting myself up to become more and more miserable.

A conversation with a stranger is just that, a conversation.  There shouldn’t be anticipation for wedding bells (here’s looking at my female viewers) or sex (men) but just the simple love for having a conversation filled with laughter and comfort.  If ever we find out that something just didn’t go in the direction in which we were hoping, we should never feel as if we’ve lost our future, but simply feel that we’ve gained the moment. As humans we tend to fantasize about the future becoming this mesmerizing unbelievable picture of happiness, and it’s unfortunate that every time we do that and lose that, we become devastated.  That’s unrealistic and unfair.

Don’t let the future scare you, keep trying.

Don’t skip off to the future just yet, right now is still waiting patiently for you to come back down.

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18 responses to “Do You Intend To Fall In Love With Every Woman

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Do You Intend To Fall In Love With Every Woman | THE TITAN PROJECT -- Topsy.com

  2. lifeexceptional

    Great article, nicely written. I think you are right, most of the time we don’t look enough at what we want now, too often it’s about focusing on the future, using now to give ourselves a better future. Too often that better future doesn’t come, or when it does, we are too busy trying to improve ourselves more to get an even better future…

    Much better just to enjoy the moment while it is still here.

    • YES! This is true!

      If someone continues to keep looking passed the moment, it doesn’t matter how good the moment is, they will always ignore it in hopes for a better future. The constant anticipation doesn’t stop at wedding bells, or marriage, or some check point, people will constantly never let themselves just be aware of where they are.

      Thank you for sharing this point LE, much appreciated.

  3. Yeahhhhh – i’m a little guilty here:-s I’ll admit that.

    Although, in my defense, it’s less that I *intend* to fall in love with every woman, and kind of just happen to lol. Or more specifically, that I find something to love *about* every woman. It’s an easy trap to fall into:-) Though I tend to find something to like in most people also…aside from gender – so maybe it’s that?

    The truth of this is that I should be mindful in the present moment, especially when talking to others. It’s easy to get lost in our own little fantasy lands…and that can only impede our ability to relate authentically to others!

    As always, am buying what you’re selling, Jonathan:-)

    • We cannot control our imagination, but sometimes we must remind ourselves of reality.

      If you’re on a long enough time line with someone, the possibility rate that you will find something unique and exceptional in someone is a very probable percentage. So don’t feel too bad, it’s actually endearing.

  4. I love this article…
    ‘If you don’t love every moment….’ can’t it be that if you don’t live every moment you are just fooling yourelf?!
    I agree with the idea that a conversation is a simple conversation and that looking for sex or love at ever encounter just makes you needy, but haven’t you noticed how many people just ‘pretend’ to have fallen in love and just don’t care if that is love or not? Do you see that almost everyone seems to need just ‘settlement’ and not love and calls that nice feeling of conversing with someone and having sex with them as ‘love’? I am overwhelmed by such a multitudine.

    • I can’t say I fully condone the idea to “live” every moment, because I don’t find that you should need to find inspiration in all things. My girlfriend sometimes get irritated when the sun comes down and we’ve simply spent all day in bed. She says things like, the day went to waste. The thing is, we like being together in bed just talking. We don’t have to live every second of every moment so that we can’t sit still and become insomniacs. That’s where I find a crack in that belief.

      Yes, I do notice how people fall backwards into love the minute they could catch something, anything. However, not a lot of people believe in love, some people just believe in sex, some people just believe in weddings. Some people don’t believe in perfection and how it molds to consider what love is. Those people will just settle. You can’t get everyone to think the same way, that’s just not what I’m trying to do.

  5. I think you’re just romantic. You want it to end in love and even when you have love a small part of your mind fears and hopes that a better love is yet to make itself known. Or maybe I’m talking about me.

    • I don’t think I fully understand how you got that idea, I’m just into loving my girlfriend right now. If you’re talking about me hoping for more better love in the relationship I am, sure, you could never get to close to someone who you truly care about.

      Thanks for the compliment on me being romantic, Erin. Much love.

  6. Wow. Okay, I’m going to be honest; I did not like this post.

    I understand what you were trying to put across, but I was turned off when you wrote “There’s no better feeling than knowing that I’m better than someone else”, when, in fact, you’re never better than anybody else. I know you meant “at running” but God I hate people like that. They’re the most competitive and least sufferable.

    Then I kind of got more into the point of your post, and was humming along lightly when we get to this gem: “There shouldn’t be anticipation for wedding bells (here’s looking at my female viewers) or sex (men)”.

    Wow. Really. Way to stereotype.

    I’m surprised none of your other commenters pulled you up on it. I find that sexist and for the record I have never in my life “anticipated wedding bells”, although I have on occasion anticipated sex. What, am I bucking your curve?

    • A lot of people in my past didn’t like me for my somewhat insufferable ways, I’m sure whatever uptightness that still shows, irritates my present friends. But yes, I was competitive, I was angry, and no I would never let anything go.

      Fortunately, you are the curve, and that is beautiful.

  7. Powerful and honest. I like that.

  8. A lot of people are on this “live in the present, don’t judge it” kick, and it’s awesome. I need to hop on the bandwagon myself. And here’s to running xc in high school. I was driven, but it sounds like you win the award for that one. It’s an awesome experience, so I hope your drive didn’t detract you too much from enjoying being with the team and that whole social aspect.

    • Frustration is kind of hard to see when everyone else is cheering you on.

      I never really put a lot of thought in wondering if I was becoming self destructive, I really wasn’t reflecting on who I am or what that type of thing was doing to me on a larger scale. I was simply focused on winning races, getting mileage in, and setting the pace. I was pretty blind of everything else.

      Cross Country is awesome.

  9. People view their relationships and encounters too much as a competition. If we’re constantly competing for other’s attention we eventually collapse into rhetoric and personal Public relations which devolve into lies for a goal (sex, sense of security, etc).
    If you were fighting for those top racing spots because you truly felt that way, then more power to you. If that was genuine, that’s perfectly fine. But if, as you said, it ended up being more about a fear of inadequacy, that’s an internal problem which begs for redress.

    But, on the other hand, you seem to be a functional human now so maybe you’re ok.
    😀
    It’s better to approach things genuinely. Wrote about something similar here:
    http://breakthewallsnow.com/2011/01/genuine-business-and-genuine-sex/

    • That reminds me of Talladega Nights, where Will Ferrell’s model is “If you’re not first, you’re last!”

      It makes sense to stop trying to be perfect, stop trying to be the best, and that everything doesn’t control your life. We can’t spend our whole lives being better than other people, because we lose site of our happiness.

      I’m a slightly functional human being. Function is relative.

  10. Neediness is a plague. I understand how it can be easy to fill a void in your life with someone else, but pursuing that path is irrational and probably dangerous.
    A girl asked my brother the other day, “What will I do when you leave to go travelling? I’ll be soooo bored!” It’s cute to feel needed, but it’s not an endearing trait. Actually, it’s kind of sad that this girl relies on a man so much that her own life will be boring without him.

    I’ve had the most success with woman when I have no intentions and completely love myself regardless of whether they agree or not. The no intention part is completely related to your comment of living in the moment. If you go into a conversation hoping and wishing that you’ll girlfriend the gal, then you’ll probably come off as desperate and needy. Maybe some people like that; I find it to be a turnoff.

    However, it’s easier to say than to do. I’m not perfect (nor is anyone else who’s posted here). I can take a big lesson from this post and I need to live in the moment and, like Kristin say’s, find something to love about each person (I think that’s a great trait).

    Good post, Jon.

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