Tag Archives: relationship-advice

How Long Will You Stay?

When I was younger I always wanted to become a pilot.

Being a pilot just seemed like something I was destined to do.  My family supported me, everyone I knew thought I should do it.  I worked at an airport, spoke to pilots, took classes at the community college, planned on joining the United States Air Force, applied to flight schools all over America.  I was actually going to move to Florida where I would pursue my life’s intention of becoming a metal bird.

No matter how many great things surrounded the idea of flying a plane, one thing always held me back, “How long will I be away from my family?”

I didn’t have a family of my own.  I didn’t live on my own.  Sure, I had loved ones, but that wasn’t the family I was talking about.  I was talking about the anticipated love of a wife, several children, with a girl being the oldest, a backyard, maybe on a ranch, with a house painted white with decorative green details.  There was a time when that was my dream, my aspirations, my, “maybe someday.”

As the years went past, my dreams of becoming a pilot along with my dreams of having a family dissipated as I matured.  Maybe I started living in the present, I really don’t know.  It’s almost impossible to remember how I pictured how everything would be back in my more naive days.

I never took up piloting, even with knowing how adventurous it sounded.

I seemed to always be the type of person who’d wonder how long he could stay instead of where he could go next.

How Long Will You Stay?

I enjoy reading a lot of blogs that talk about location independence.  How certain people all over the blogosphere can just get up and go as they please.  For some people it’s not just a weekend vacation, taking pictures and standing in front of statues and buildings.  For some, it’s a bulk four months out of their lives learning culture, eating food, and wording foreign phrases.  The idea that you can’t do London in a week.  How long then?  How long does it take to get the full experience of where you are?  Is it really four months?  What constitutes when you should leave?  By the end of four months, is it really possible to just cut off all ties and just leave.  No looking back.

I understand that I won’t get to see the rest of the world if I stay in one place, but what if maybe I could just wait until the place where I am becomes barren.  I kind of want to wait until I truly have a reason to leave.  I just really don’t see the point in leaving to go somewhere new, if I still really like where I am.

Lenka and I broke up.

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Do You Intend To Fall In Love With Every Woman

I could feel her heart beating, her eyes wrecked on exploring what might be.  I could feel myself subconsciously reaching for my phone, but didn’t.  I simply returned her gesture with a simple grin and started walking away.  With every step I felt the immense feeling of loss, roping me back to her just for one more bite.  But I couldn’t.

I’ve done this a hundred times, led someone on and left abruptly.  I do it all the time, sometimes uncontrollably, sometimes with very inappropriate intentions.  At some point I made an effort to not retrieve any woman’s contact information, no matter how big, bright, and beautiful the outlook for the future might’ve been.  It felt like throwing away the perfect sunset without taking a picture.  This was before Lenka.

I was training myself to be in control of my feelings.  It’s like self inflicting pain to learn that it won’t kill you.  I couldn’t have every woman.  I didn’t intend to fall in love with everyone, yet I was slowly realizing that I was.  Every number, every call, and every text message, turned into a fantasy display of anticipated future fireworks and long waltzes across days of could be would be love.  With every pink lipped, tiny outlined cheeked, woman, I found that my intentions were unrealistic.  I was setting myself up for failure, more importantly, my unhappiness.  It was sad.

Intention

When I was younger I ran cross country.  During my first year of running all I wanted to do was be the fastest freshmen, which meant I had to beat one person, Sheldon.  I went to lengths, most impossible feats, and at the end of the first race, I was ahead of him all the way to the end.  But I didn’t stop there, I wanted more.

I picked out members of my team, picked out people from other schools.  I was on a murderous rampage to be more capable than any one of my targets.  I was faster than anyone from the school next to us.  The next school next to that one took me awhile, but after a year, I topped everyone who was in my league.  I did this over and over again, and I was never satisfied.

My coaches would ask me, why do I run?  Why was I on the team?  What drove me?

I would answer:

“There’s no better feeling than knowing that I’m better than someone else.”
“I want to be the best.”
“It’s pride.”

The thoughts of inadequacy fueled my desire to train harder, to get up at 5am to run 9 more miles before school started, in addition to our regularly scheduled practices.  My thoughts of not being good enough became my perseverance.

My coaches and teammates told me I was running for all the wrong reasons.  That someday there won’t be people to beat, someday I’ll find myself defeated, someday I’ll grow old and start withering away and my hopes of beating my PR would peak, and I would plummet.  They told me, the only way to truly love something is to love every moment of it no matter what it curtails.

Why did they do it?

“Because I seriously love to run.”

. . . they would say.

If You Don’t Love Every Moment, You’re Just Lying To Yourself

I was never trying to impress my friends when I took down a woman’s number.  Their abilities to meet women weren’t exactly up to par.

I was never rating women on a scale of one to ten, measuring whether or not someone were to be deserving of me, as if I was the grand prize of some elimi-date.

However, my real intentions was to fall in love.  That maybe someday we could lay in bed for hours on end with no other intentions other than to be together forever on clouds of happily ever after.  That’s where I went wrong, that’s where I became needy.  And because of that, I was setting myself up to become more and more miserable.

A conversation with a stranger is just that, a conversation.  There shouldn’t be anticipation for wedding bells (here’s looking at my female viewers) or sex (men) but just the simple love for having a conversation filled with laughter and comfort.  If ever we find out that something just didn’t go in the direction in which we were hoping, we should never feel as if we’ve lost our future, but simply feel that we’ve gained the moment. As humans we tend to fantasize about the future becoming this mesmerizing unbelievable picture of happiness, and it’s unfortunate that every time we do that and lose that, we become devastated.  That’s unrealistic and unfair.

Don’t let the future scare you, keep trying.

Don’t skip off to the future just yet, right now is still waiting patiently for you to come back down.

9 Reasons Why You Should Meet The Girl Next To You

I still remember my girlfriend’s face when I told her she was adorable and I just had to come talk to her. Her face froze in a tone broken in between a lost for words and hope that words would exude. I remember how her head cocked out from her shoulders and how her breath was left vacant. She liked me. We meet people everyday, but we never meet them. The continuous stream of applicable opportunity to learn someone’s name or find out more about their story usually goes untouched, like books lost in libraries, unread and unopened. How is that possible? Everyone likes talking about themselves. Mostly everyone likes the faint touch of being interested in. Why? Why is it so hard? We meet people everyday, but there’s no reason why we shouldn’t get to know them, especially if she could be the girl of your dreams, much like Lenka’s was and still is for me.

Below is a list of 9 Reasons Why You Should Meet The Girl Next to You.

1. All girls like being talked to.

Remember in 40 year old virgin where Seth Rogen tells Steve Carrell to constantly ask the girl questions because women don’t want to talk about anything else but themselves. It’s funny because it’s almost always true. Actually it’s true for everyone. Everyone wants to believe that they have the most unbelievable dreams and aspirations. Everyone wants to think they have the cutest baby. Everyone wants to feel acclaimed and worshiped for their unrivaled thoughts and problem solving abilities. There’s an inspiring feeling people get when they get to share their lives with other people.

2. All girls want to feel sexy.

When I was still in middle school I remember Michelle Branch posing for Maxim magazine practically naked. Michelle Branch! The female guitarist who sang “All You Wanted.” At that time I felt there was something wrong with society, and it wasn’t just puberty. At that time, Christina Auguillera had the hit single “I am Beautiful” and, at the same time, had one of the sluttiest music videos of all time. I was debating the idea of beautiful. I remember what my brother said that evening when I pointed out the cover of Maxim with Michelle Branch on it. He told me, “Every woman wants to be wanted by every guy.” He said that they don’t necessarily want to date every man in the world, but they just want every guy to look twice when she walks by.

3. All girls want to feel beautiful.

There’s a difference between sexy and beautiful, not that a simple compliment can’t appease both of them. Unfortunately, every girl does want to feel adorned with their clothes on. They want to take pictures in Sunday dresses, twirling in flowered meadows, while the sunlight scatters across a silhouette of trees. They want to feel that their laughter is not only adored, but melodic, like a siren or some pre Civil War church choir. Every girl wants to know that they could hold someone’s attention for so long that they could find themselves falling apart in each others eyes. Most girls will never choose logic over romance.

4. Every girl wants to feel challenged.

Girls aren’t picking out men from a catalog, well, unless they’re giving credit to online dating websites, they are. However, unless they’re absolute nuts, women don’t want to have to meet a guy online over meeting them out in the open where fairy tales and most romantic movies find their beginnings. Some women can have any pick of men off the street, but that would just be cheap and senseless. Women want to feel like keeping someone is worth holding on to. They can’t just pull a guy off the street, because there’s no worth in that.

5. Every girl wants a hug.

Yep they do.  Women like a genuine sense of belonging where they could feel secure and comfortable. Everyone wants to feel wanted. Human touch is yummy.

6. Women don’t want the right guy.

Really? Seriously? WHO IS THAT GUY??? Robert Pattinson isn’t the right guy. Back in the 90’s it wasn’t Brad Pitt. A woman worth falling in love with doesn’t have a checkoff list hanging behind her pillow in hopes that the right guy will just pass her by on the street and be nothing but perfection yielding in agreement. They want a guy they could build something with. Someone who they could find more about themselves through. Love will always be about falling in love with what makes them different and imperfect.

7. Every girl wants to get naked. . . with the right guy.

Yep. Sex is good. It’s great. It’s fucking orgasmic. The only people that hate sex are virgins and people who are doing it with the wrong people. It’s unfortunate that there’s a broad saturation of creepy, horney, self centered men, and women, more often than not, feel like these are the only men out there. (Btw, I’m perfect.) If a girl’s reading this, don’t have sex with a creepy guy just to see where it goes, it’ll be a terrible experience.

8. Every girl doesn’t want to end up alone.

Even the biggest emo rebels who announce how much they are stricken to a loner lifestyle, those people still don’t want to be alone. They want to have coffee with some guy, to tell them the different aspects of the world that annoy and aggravate them, all subliminally trying to fight off the fact that they’re having coffee with a man and, in more or less endearing terms, like it.

Most women have been dreaming of the day they would marry, not the guy of their dreams, but the guy they can’t let go of.

9. Every girl likes the gesture.

Married, old, well not prepubescent because that’s just weird, but other than that, every girl likes to know the random guy walking on the street found her aesthetically pleasing. Making a woman smile is an incredible feeling.

A little disclaimer before I close this post.

Note: No girl wants to be creeped out.

Being able to not creep out a girl has a lot to do with finding a balance between being too aggressive and too shy. There’s a bunch of complex ways a man can open up a conversation with a women, you shouldn’t buy her a drink until she’s talking to you or else she’ll just use you for alcohol, you might want to compliment her nose, or you might just want to tell a girl you’ve genuinely been staring at for the past hour that she’s absolutely adorable. Who knows, maybe she’ll kiss you, and maybe you’ll find yourself falling love with her.

Stop Doing What Makes You Great

“We decided, that with this new album, we’re going to yell more, because we’re an alternative rock band, and that’s what we do, we yell!”

We hear it all the time, when an artist or band is out to make their second album, there are always those artists that want to focus on something that makes them great.  How about, “You know, this time around, I want to get back to the basics.  I want to get back to what made us different,” or “I want this album to feature a more darker atmosphere.” Artists always find themselves in a realm of exploring more or less with their art.  They end up lost in this new different world, questioning whether they should come back to the beginning; their basics.  However, when they do, those basics and that origin turns out to be smothered with the noise of their newly “fresh” ideas, making it impossible to turn into their earlier versions.  The legends become students of themselves, as they try to relearn who they are.

Damien Rice said something along the lines of, music is a lot like vomiting.  He was describing how music is like this down pour of raw emotion.  Serj Takian, the lead singer to System of a Down said, if you want to say something, say it.  You know who says, today we’re going to focus on something different.  People who are lost say, today we’re going to focus on something different. People who don’t know who they are.  People who just want to please other people.  Those people really have no idea what they’re doing.  They know it works because they’re filling up stadiums, but they don’t know why.

No one should tell someone what they should want to do with their art.

Picasso drew ugly things.  Ugly ugly things.  They don’t look like people!  They’re square faces with creepy eyes and unfortunately placed noses.  If someone gave me Picasso’s sketches or the sketches from any artist who worked on Pixar movies and asked me who draws better, “Gee, I don’t know, the rectangular shaped face or the futuristic robot.”  Yet, for some reason Picasso is one of the most historically acclaimed artists.  It’s probably because he never forgot his passion.  He didn’t draw to please the masses of people.  He painted the things he wanted to paint.  He painted the things he felt passionate about.  Most importantly, he painted the things he wanted to say.

People are selling out everywhere.

The art of the artist is falling apart everywhere because other people are telling them what to do.  Their work has become tainted by every single living person’s ideas; moving their passion in a certain direction to appease fans, agents, record labels.  Legendary artists dumbing their music down to reach more people, to fill more seats at stadiums, suppressing their message so people will like them.  Imagine if Picasso didn’t draw his unusual characters, what if he confined himself to only draw artwork influenced by religion and the church.  Where would Picasso’s message be if it were quieted?

All our peers are pulling us in every direction.

Most of the time, record labels who are paying musicians to make music can’t make music any better.  They especially can’t make that specific musician’s music better than they can, that’d be preposterous.  However, rich people have been telling artists to entertain them, and they do.  They do it all the time.  Ever since the time of kings and queens, and jesters.  Artists aren’t slaves to an audience. The audience chases the message of the artist.

Passion needs to roam freely.

In Embarcadero, a popular street in San Francisco, there are cartoonists, portrait drawers, and every artist with a different medium from charcoal to oil pastels.  You could find these people anywhere, sitting on city corners, sketching out strangers.  However, before they became everyone’s personal artist, there’s a good chance they’d rather be drawing other things, bigger things, certain people in their lives.  Unfortunately, they won’t be able to afford studios and large canvases, or building corners to draw eloquent murals.  We as an audience will never know their message.

Us, bloggers, we need to stay true to ourselves, to our art.  Before The Titan Project became a lifestyle design blog, it was a personal blog, then it evolved into a relationship blog.  I’d write long inspirational essays like The Girl All The Guys Want, and surreal moments describing how my girlfriend and I met.  I almost thought I would stay there.  People liked my work and were interested in more of what I had to say about the subject.  The day I wrote about toxic families, I was weary.  However, people still enjoyed it.  I’m sure it was because I felt like it needed to be said.  It’s probably because it was a genuine part of me I wanted share.

Your message will forever evolve, but never should it be restricted.

“You Want a Hug?”

When I was younger, sometime around high school, I started hugging people.  It was more for satire.  “You want a hug?” I would say with the most pouty puppy particular eyes.  I use to hug everyone.  I’d hug people I didn’t know.  I’d hug my teachers.  I’d ask a lot of people and they would turn me down, but for the most part people would spread their arms and for those two seconds in which my arms could wrap around their torso and then pull away, there was just that little something we all long for.

I was very destructive as a young boy.  I wanted to hurt everyone.  I wanted to see people fail.  I thrived on knowing my life wasn’t as bad as others.  But, I was almost always wrong.  I started understanding that people just didn’t know pain like I knew pain, and for that reason, I felt valiant.  Through imperfection I felt superior and because of that I stopped caring.  However, no matter how many times you would ask me how much I don’t care, how much I feel the need to be destructive, there’s still some sweet itty bitty child in me that just wants to remember what it was like to have a family, to have friends, and to be wanted.  If that’s true for me, the boy who rested his eyes over his own sad sorry life, and if everyone feels anger, pain, and anguish, then for the most part, I’m pretty sure a lot of people just want to feel like they belong somewhere.  I’m pretty sure people want to feel something real.

People want to feel wanted.

We spend so much time being angry at people.  We spend so much time trying to be cool.  We spend so much time trying to be better than people that some of us just don’t realize that we’re all in pain.  Somehow denial wraps around our heads and tells us we’re bigger than this, we can do this on our own, and we don’t need anyone to help us.  That may be true.  But it’s not going to make you happy.  I pushed everyone away my whole life; no one likes being alone.

Hugging, holding hands, cuddling, little tiny kisses on the cheek, it’s all a form of affection that people need.  People need affection.  Fuck the general population of people who think it’s awkward.  Screw the genre of thought behind handshakes and keeping your distance.  If a moment’s embrace is ill mannered than someone needs to rewrite the book on etiquette and put “hug everyone” on there.  Don’t waste your time being on anti-carebear protest.

The greatest gift is letting someone remember that they are loved.

This was my greatest gift post.  Check out these awesome greatest gift posts:

Are You Over Her?

I’ll come back to Part 2 of “The Popular Kid Was Never That Good at Talking to Women,” but I just really wanted to write this while it was still recent.


“Are you over her?” Lenka asked.

6 months before I met my girlfriend, I met a girl named Paige.  It was last winter break, almost a whole year ago.  The thought of her still haunts me.  She broke me.  She broke me in a way that I thought would never be possible.  Every so often I remember what it was like to be with her.  I remember thinking about her, and losing her.

There’s an underlying property to falling in love with someone.  In some way, you can’t be caught up with someone else, even if they have left forever.  They somehow can’t be renting out a soft spot in your mind.  I don’t think that’s true.  I might be wrong.  The thing is, I try to move forward.  I try to move forward with everything in my life.  Just forward, just a clean b-line straight ahead to the next destination as fast and as eye level as possible.  However, the truth is, a lot of the things in my past still gnaw off little bits of my hopes for a future.  It’s not just with women; it’s sort of like this with a lot of the things in my life.

With every woman I’ve met, I tend to keep a piece of them with me whether I like it or not.  It’s a little encasing that just opens up whenever it feels like it, or it’s somehow triggered by specifically chosen items of nostalgia.  The problem that I had was that I always found something I truly liked in most of the women I dated.  I ended up finding something unique in the women who’ve come through my life, and it’s hard to let those things go.  It’s taken me awhile to forget a lot about the first girl I felt an emotional depth with.  But, on some level, to be honest, I kind of wish I hadn’t fully forgotten.

Lenka asked me, how I could fall in love with someone when my heart is somewhere else.  How can I fall in love with her when I’m not over Paige?  How is it possible?  It seems like there’s something absolutely totally wrong with that.

“Why do you love me?” I asked Lenka.

In a cute, sort of embarrassed, type of way, she told me things like how I make her laugh and how I make her happy.  As I listened over the phone, she ended up scrolling down a long list of bullet points as to why she loved me.  I already knew what I was going to tell her by the time she finished.

“If I loved you for all of those same reasons, would you call that love?”

The Popular Kid Was Never That Good at Talking to Women

“Have you ever bought something because someone told you that you should?”

Ever bought a book that Oprah recommended?  Went to a restaurant because it had high ratings on Yelp?  Or even bought something from a different less convenient grocery store simply because you found a sales coupon, or a online “groupon” to use?  This method of choosing things, is a lot like how most popular kids in high school ended up dating a lot more than everyone else. Ever since anyone could remember, everyone who knew anyone always wanted to date the popular guy; the jock, the athletically talented, the guy that everyone else knows and bows down to.  It’s been a worldwide phenomenon, especially in America.  America has wrapped it’s television viewers over the wants to date the prom queen, the hopes to date the captain of a rugged sport, or the youngest richest spoiled kid at school.  With titles like High School Musical, She’s All That, Gossip Girl, CW’s new series HellCats, 90210, Glee; it’s always been the cool, in thing to do, to fall mercilessly in love with someone popular.

The truth is, everyone who is popular ends up pathetic.  Not only that; everyone who wants or ends up dating them, are shallow.  Of course, there’s a narrow obvious disclaimer that there are almost some exceptions.  But, for the most part, it’s pretty much true.  Why would you buy a book from Oprah, what gives her the right to blindside you with her recommended merchandise?  Does Oprah know you? Has Oprah built a profile of attributes that she can compile to provide any effective description of you?  What makes Oprah so important that she should be your, your signature, your personal, life adviser?

The problem is not Oprah, Oprah is one person who likes things and tells people about those things.  She’s not the problem.  The problem is in the people who’ve consistently watched the show, they’ve let themselves become mindless drones set on finding direction.  A loss of direction and the tragedy that anyone would follow the very first person who can give them that direction, is none other than the equation for someone who is shallow.  Oprah is the prom queen.  She’s the mother bee.  And today, the modern day adult who buys her merchandise simply because it has an Oprah sticker on it, are the exact replica of the millions of kids who’ve long awaited and dreamed of the almost impossible day that they would hold hands with the quarterback of the football team.

Shallow people are worthless. Their plagiarized opinions, which ideally have originated down from the appealing thoughts of others, have practically nothing unique to say.  They’re a plague, an actual defined zombie experience.  And popular kids, unfortunately they’re no better.  If you’ve seen the television shows, the movies, the media, you’ll understand that these popular kids have to follow a certain way of life simply to appease everyone’s image of them and sustain their popularity.  No matter how much a popular kid loves modern contemporary dance, he or she can’t try it.  They can’t attempt it.  It’s too weird. You’ll see this a lot in Glee, jock wants everyone to think glee club is cool, it’s obviously not, so he ends up getting flack for it.  In this way, shallow people control the popular kids at school.  If for some reason the shallow kids lose interest, the popular kids fall off the map.

So who comes out on top?  The more important question, after high school: who ends up being the most socially effective person?  We’ve concluded that it wasn’t the many shallow people who’ve spent most of their teenage years worshiping a false idol.  And in some way, we can come to our own, personal, unique, and inventive, conclusions as to what happened to most popular kids from high school, who didn’t have football scholarships or something of the same significance.  Who then?  If both these parties have been lost in defeat, what person coming out of high school would be the most socially acceptable after graduation?  There are nerds that learn to become socially acceptable, it’s true.  There are goths that become socially acceptable, and there are people from less popular sports that become socially acceptable.  However, there is one candidate, who logically speaking, would tower over all others when it comes to social ability after high school.

Competition of Egos

Have you ever wonder why none of the big countries go to war with India?  I’m not talking about Imperialism; I’m talking about actual declarations of war.  (Don’t worry; this will tie in to the idea of popular kids and social hierarchy)  In World War 2, why did Germany go to war with most of Europe?  More interestingly, why did Germany ally themselves with Japan, one of the more technologically advanced countries in the universe?  Why didn’t Germany just take over small little countries, why was it bigger countries like France and the UK?  Political science teaches this as the competition of egos.  Germany, Adolf Hitler, they went to war with countries with advanced technology, strong military, supplies, etc.  What would Germany have accomplished going to war with India?  What’s in India?  There’s no military in India, their technology isn’t as advanced, and they don’t have very much to see in supplies.  There wouldn’t be a lot to profit by going to war with a country that doesn’t have these things.

It’s the same with the social structure of popularity.  You don’t see the popular football athletes going to war with the stoners.  Why bother? You don’t see the cheerleaders giving a slight glance at the nerds in the computer lab.  Even the slightly social student body, nobody really cares about them socially.  They do their job, nobody bothers them.  So who would the popular group of kids have to go to war with?  Who clashes with them?  Who irritates them?  Who is so powerful, that that person can steal the thoughts away from popular kids and make a dent in their social beings?  There has to be someone that has those properties.  More importantly, if this person can rise above the popular kids, separate themselves from the shallow kids, and in some way have the same social rapport as popular kids, logically, this person, would make it out of high school as the social pinnacle of an adult social hierarchy.  Who then, has the best chance of that?

. . . enter the anti-hero.


To be continued. . .

Us Men, We Talk Too Much.

Jonathan: You’re a hottie!

Emily: I don’t know about that.

Jonathan: It’s not for you to know.  It’s for us men to talk about secretly forever until you whither away unappreciated. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!