Tag Archives: relationships

How To Be the Most Attractive Guy At a Party and Still Stay In a Monogamous Relationship

I leaned against the refrigerator, my eyes staring at the center of the room.  The lights were off.  In the middle of the living room my friends danced in the dark on top of two wooden coffee tables. I was actually kind of jealous. The music bounced off the walls and everyone who surrounded me were lost in their movements, and I stood deafeningly still, statuesque even.  I would’ve been mistaken as any other guy, shy of his wits, afraid of women, and unable to open up.  I didn’t want to be that guy, the so called wall flower.  But, as I stood wondering inclusively, the truth was that that guy and I, were the exact same person.  Lost.

Ever since I could remember being social, I was always somewhat flirtatious.  My friends hated me for it.  More exact, my socially challenged friends hated me for it.  Just the way I presented myself openly, the updraft of comfort, the easily drawn out sexual undertones; my guy friends hated it, they would stand idly by watching me talk.  It wasn’t always like that.  There was a time where no one could get any two words out of me, much less a conversation.  However, once I was able to open up, laugh, and pry into a deeper meaning with most people I met, I found an inevitable charm.  Since then, I never looked back onto my more proper and less boisterous, silent ways.

I never thought having a girlfriend would change that.

Innocent touches, flirtatious spells, and confident glares across the room starts to become an addiction.  It’s as if everyone just started passing around dishes of your favorite slice of pie  to constantly remind you that you shouldn’t have any, or even be there.  I always thought my ability to talk to women carelessly was something of power.  It is, practically, something that most men want to have but somehow don’t understand.  It’s almost supernatural.  It leaves people thinking, “maybe he’s just born with it?”  It’s as if it’s that unrealistic.  However, it only takes standing in a room full of people to find out who you really are. Having a girlfriend in a crowded area leaves me being socially awkward, and, most tantalizingly, powerless.

By midnight, after taking several senseless laps around the party, I found myself rewiring my mindset, reflecting on who I am, and rebooting my happiness, thinking of ways to find a balance with my thoughts and trying to find a peace that I really needed.  I went over every way I use to meet women at parties. I needed a place where I could continue to be conscious of where I was, yet still continuing to stay morally obligated.  I wasn’t single, but I wasn’t a loser either.  I looked at my friends and felt a genuine honesty with myself. I started letting go of the idea that everything I did was to impress every woman that surrounded me.

Finally, I took my friend’s happy outstretched hand as I was lifted up onto the living room table.

As the party dissipated like a smokey substance released into the sky, I found myself sitting next to a girl who earlier was talking about linear algebraic equations. Nerds, I somehow always find myself next to them. We chatted lightly until she commented on my arms.

“I don’t like big arms, you’re muscly arms just make me want to vomit,” she said flirtatiously.

It lifted my spirits.  I pulled my arm through her hair and across her shoulders to give her a light hug.  She leaned her head in, moving her body closer into mine, her dark maroon colored hairs softly touching the skin on my neck.

“Sorry,” I said pulling my arm away from her, “You can’t do that, I have a girlfriend.”

I could feel her closeness turning into a nervous awkwardness as she lifted away from me.  She smiled politely.

“Oh,” she said, “I figured.”

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17 Ways to Look Cooler Now!

How can someone look cool? Is it possible? Ever since the beginning of time people have longed to find out what’s so cool about that guy. From cowboys to rock and roll bands. Mozart to Robert Plant. Wolverine to Neo. What makes someone look cool? Below is 17 possible ways to look cooler now!

#1 Wear a V-Neck and, at the same time, pull off looking as if you still like women.

#2 Don’t just wear a leather jacket, wear a hooded sweater under it! It’s genius!

#3 Always extend your eyebrows to look interested but at the same time unexcited about what anyone is talking about.

#4 Move your hands a lot. People can concentrate better on what you’re talking about if you move your hands a lot.

#5 Make sure everyone knows that you play either poker or guitar. Those two things make you look douchey, but without all the doucheness. A good way to do this is to leave a guitar pick or a poker chip in your pocket along with some spare change. In the event that anyone would ask you for a quarter they’ll be surprised and aroused that you have one of the two things. Carry both for an instant orgasm.

#6 Ask people if they want spare change.

#7 Find out your size for jackets, then go one size over. Tight fitting clothes are essential. Tight fitting jackets are borderline fairy. They’re supposed to look heavier than your skin.

#8 Don’t shop at the same places your friends shop. Your friends are terrible with women.

#9 Make your own accessories. Rolex’s make you look like grandpa or a spoiled brat. A string on a piece of wood makes you look creative and adventurous.

#10 Don’t wear the necklace your friend gave you. Wear it as a bracelet. Don’t rep your friend’s fashion advice. Mock it by not wearing it in the way it was meant to be worn. Plus, layered bracelets are cool.

#11 Don’t get a hair cut if you want your hair to look messy; it makes everyone want to punch you in the face repeatedly.

#12 Know your facial and hair products. It makes all the difference when you could find a hair product that can stealthily make you look as if you didn’t even try to take a shower this morning.

#13 If everything else fails and you can’t help but to be ugly, brush your teeth. Nothing overcomes everything than a maintained straight white picket fence.  Keyword:  Straight.

#14 You’re expected to smile when you meet someone.

#15 Practice looking adorable and nurturing. Nobody likes an ogre.

#16 Be the guy who wears that certain article of clothing everyday. Life is like a job interview, it’s easier to remember someone when they’re consistent.

#17 Don’t wear a suit, take a shower, or fix your hair, people will expect too much from you if you try too hard. Have them expect nothing and it’ll only go uphill from there.

Merry Christmas!!!!!

Are You Over Her?

I’ll come back to Part 2 of “The Popular Kid Was Never That Good at Talking to Women,” but I just really wanted to write this while it was still recent.


“Are you over her?” Lenka asked.

6 months before I met my girlfriend, I met a girl named Paige.  It was last winter break, almost a whole year ago.  The thought of her still haunts me.  She broke me.  She broke me in a way that I thought would never be possible.  Every so often I remember what it was like to be with her.  I remember thinking about her, and losing her.

There’s an underlying property to falling in love with someone.  In some way, you can’t be caught up with someone else, even if they have left forever.  They somehow can’t be renting out a soft spot in your mind.  I don’t think that’s true.  I might be wrong.  The thing is, I try to move forward.  I try to move forward with everything in my life.  Just forward, just a clean b-line straight ahead to the next destination as fast and as eye level as possible.  However, the truth is, a lot of the things in my past still gnaw off little bits of my hopes for a future.  It’s not just with women; it’s sort of like this with a lot of the things in my life.

With every woman I’ve met, I tend to keep a piece of them with me whether I like it or not.  It’s a little encasing that just opens up whenever it feels like it, or it’s somehow triggered by specifically chosen items of nostalgia.  The problem that I had was that I always found something I truly liked in most of the women I dated.  I ended up finding something unique in the women who’ve come through my life, and it’s hard to let those things go.  It’s taken me awhile to forget a lot about the first girl I felt an emotional depth with.  But, on some level, to be honest, I kind of wish I hadn’t fully forgotten.

Lenka asked me, how I could fall in love with someone when my heart is somewhere else.  How can I fall in love with her when I’m not over Paige?  How is it possible?  It seems like there’s something absolutely totally wrong with that.

“Why do you love me?” I asked Lenka.

In a cute, sort of embarrassed, type of way, she told me things like how I make her laugh and how I make her happy.  As I listened over the phone, she ended up scrolling down a long list of bullet points as to why she loved me.  I already knew what I was going to tell her by the time she finished.

“If I loved you for all of those same reasons, would you call that love?”

Us Men, We Talk Too Much.

Jonathan: You’re a hottie!

Emily: I don’t know about that.

Jonathan: It’s not for you to know.  It’s for us men to talk about secretly forever until you whither away unappreciated. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Cure for Assholes and Losers: How Gambling makes Dating Easier

I use to play a lot of Texas Hold’em.  I still consider myself pretty good at it today.  I liked it because poker had a lot to do with life.  There’s a lot about poker that parallels everything that we do.  How to play one of life’s hands.  How and when to make moves.  How to use body language to express certain cues.  Pretty much how to win at the tables all comes down to how smart you play.  There’s a lot of people at the poker tables that are just desperate for money.  They play a hand as if it’s their last hand that they’ll never play another hand in their lives.  These people tend to lose a lot.  They lose a lot because they think like idiots.  They lose because they don’t have control.  A lot of poker has to do with controlling what you want to express; which is also a major attribute when it comes to successfully dating women.

There are two types of people who continuously lose at poker.  The aggressive players and the passive players.  Aggressive players tend to bluff their way through every hand hoping to steal small pots and accumulate chips.  On the other hand, passive players don’t make enough moves and don’t play enough hands to accumulate chips.  The problem with aggressive players is that they bluff so often that it’s not long until one of their opponents catches on and calls them out on one of their plays.  The problem with passive players is that they’re too conscious of their stack to make any plays in the first place. This is much like the two most unsuccessful men when it comes to dating.  You have your men that are too aggressive and you have your men that are too passive.

Aggressive Men and Dating:

Aggressive men are the type of men who feel as if they could do anything without having drawbacks.  These type of men tend to dismiss other people’s feelings and other people’s space.  Ultimately, they tend to repel people.

How to spot an aggressive man:

  • They’re usually loud.  Somehow they feel the need to yell even when there isn’t loud music to yell over, large crowds, and the people he’s conversing with are practically in conversational range.
  • They usually laugh at their own jokes even though no one else is laughing.
  • They talk about sexually driven subjects incessantly, in way that’s too sudden and too often and at most times before a relationship has even been given time to build.
  • They have awful hygiene.  They usually smell of beer and cigarettes or some close combination of unearthly chemicals.  They tend to not shave very often.
  • They tend to have these rapist staring tendencies.

Passive Men and Dating:

Passive men have the issue of taking orders from everyone and being everyone’s bitch (literally.)  They usually feel the need to please everyone.  Since they try to please everyone they’ve inherited the nickname of being a “tool.”  A lot of this doesn’t seem that bad, however, what passive men lack is a sense of passion.  A passion is usually what makes men unique and different from one another.  Since they lack such a powerful attribute when it comes to dating, they tend to blend in with everyone else who’s too afraid to take risks and make a move; leaving them hidden from attracting any type of women.

How to spot a passive man:

  • Most of their movements are small and common.  Their range of actions are minimal.  You almost never see them dance, or they have some type of large protest against dancing.
  • Most passive men altogether stand up straight with their beer close to their stomach in the spot right below their sternum, with their arm at a somewhat 80 degree angle.  This is the common position that most boring frightened men entail.
  • Most passive men have a speech impediment in which they’re not loud enough for anyone to comprehend.  Even in loud crowded places like bars and clubs people usually have to ask them to repeat themselves numerous times.
  • They usually dress a step behind most fashion that’s up do date.  They tend to be equipped with large Vanhuesen polo shirts and jeans labeled baggy instead of relaxed (which is the furthest that men’s jeans should go.)
  • They usually don’t know how to have a good time.

Theories/ Diagnosis:

There’s a lot of reasons why someone would find themselves to be either too aggressive or too passive.  Some aggressive people are stuck in their category because they use to be popular in high school and are use to having people agree with them.  After leaving high school they still keep that mindset that they’re always right in everything that they do.  Another reason why people might find themselves in the aggressive category is because they’ve been exiled or outcasted by people their whole life, either by not fitting in or avoiding people altogether, in which they tend to blame everyone else for their problems, hate the world, and indefinitely divide themselves from caring about anyone else’s feelings.  This leads to anger, isolation, and denial in a sense where they always believe that they’re right.

Passive people on the other hand have been heavily nurtured in a way that they don’t know what it is to break from their nesting.  Not only does this pertain to family but it also pertains to friends.  Passive people tend to follow whatever their friends do.  This leads to them only taking advantage of a limited amount of knowledge usually found within the bubble of their friend’s knowledge.  They end up with an inability to make their own choices and follow their own paths.  This leads to a mediocre and painful life.

The Upside/ Treatment:

The answer to a great social life and dating life is not that anyone shouldn’t be the passive or aggressive person, but that they should be a balance of both.  Going back to the poker analogy, you need to make plays to win the game (aggressive,) and you need to play smart by considering other people’s actions to make sure you don’t lose (passive.)  When it comes to dating, women aren’t going to just give directions for every little thing.  However men can’t just assume the green light is on for everything.  Men have to know when to ask a girl out, when to go in for the kiss, and when is it okay to move further.

If you observe the game of poker, the people who make the moves end up winning more than the people who wait for a good hand to play.  This not only goes for dating, but it also goes for practically everything else.  In fights, the person who wins is usually the person who throws the most punches.  In work, the person who gets the promotion is the person who’s more involved at work than anyone else is.   It’s the same with dating.  A man who waits for a woman to ask him out is pretty pathetic.  In some cases, even the most pathetic men get lucky.

However, luck isn’t something worth bragging about.

 

Read last life lesson here:  How Nickelodeon Taught me to become a better Son

Wrapped around a park bench

“You remember how you asked me if I had any questions I wanted to ask you?”

We were seated on the park bench staring out into the open view of the park.  “Well,” Lenka continued, “Is there anything you wanted to ask me?”

I repositioned myself on the wooden bench.  “Yeah sure,” I replied.  I wrapped my right arm around Lenka as she perched her head on my shoulder.  I could feel the texture of her hair tickling the inside of my ear.  I hesitated, thinking about what I could ask her.  “What do you. . .” I was trying to find the right words.  I could feel Lenka wondering what it was that could be of interest.

“What do you call the meal between lunch and dinner?” I said finally.  I could feel Lenka’s eyes rolling on my shoulder.

“Jon.” she said naggingly.

Linner? Dunch?”

I could feel Lenka’s cheeks smiling, “Uhh Linner! Duh!” she said lifting her head off my shoulder.

“No, maybe it’s sunch, like supper with lunch.  Or dupper!” I continued, “Even though that would be both supper and dinner which wouldn’t make any sense because they’re both the same thing.”  Lenka laughed and I made fun of the way she laughed, which caused more laughter.  Lenka placed her head back on my shoulder as we continued to stare out at what was in front of us.  We quieted down from random unusual talk about hybrid meals and just sat there enjoying what was left of the day before the sunset.

“I think we spend so much time analyzing things that we forget to see what’s in front of us.”

I could feel her smile from the corner of her cheek.

“You’re right,” Lenka said, content with not asking anymore than we already know.  She just casually wrapped herself around me while we waited for the time to pass.

“Slunch?”

She laughed.

“I like slunch,” she replied smiling.

The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways.

I had already pealed the skin off the peaches.  “Hey, do you want to switch,” I asked Lenka who was just finishing cutting the peaches into halves.  Lenka and I switched places on the kitchen counter, traded knives, and I started carving my peach.  We needed fourteen peaches pealed, cut, unseeded, and halved.  Lenka had her hair tied back in a bun, several strands passing in front of her face.  We, along with one of her friends, went peach picking today.  Then strawberry picking.  Then bought sushi and beef teriyaki to eat at the tea house which was on the same street as the Japanese restaurant.  Then we came home and after I took a nap, we all sat together in the living room eating gargantuan Indian wraps, a very large Indian style burrito wrapped in naan.

I pulled the peach halves from the seed and placed it in the metallic bowl in front of me. “Do you ever notice that I met you one day and now we’re here making peach pie?” I asked her.

Lenka smiled and looked at me.  “I know,” she said, “fate just works that way sometimes,” she continued then kissed me, our hands wrapped in peach juice.

I met Lenka in front of a library about three months ago.  Earlier at the tea house her friend, Miley, asked us about our relationship, and several questions about men flirting with women.  As it turns out I was finding out a lot of things about my new girlfriend.  Things like how she thought it was weird that I touched her hand in a very inappropriate way; her hand.  How when I first met her she was absolutely belligerent and surprised; not everyday does a random guy come up to you and tell you how beautiful you are.  How we pieced the pieces together until we would be standing in her kitchen making peach pie after several days of meeting together and several weeks of waiting in between.

Lenka was a total stranger to me.  I’ve never seen her face before that day in front of the library.  I didn’t ask my friends what she’s into.  I never got the chance to preemptively ask anything about her.  Actually I’ve never done that ever.  Unlike many people I know, I’ve always preferred to meet the woman I want on my own and not through friends.  I looked down on the guy who was dating one of their friend’s ex’s.  Catching whoever they can in a small sexually discomforting and sexually suffocating community.

When meeting your current girlfriend through friends, you don’t get all the magic, you get a lot of science.  You get geography, proximity, statistical values, the large likelihood that she likes you just because you were there, easily accessible, and available for time, six degrees of seperation.  And let’s face it, it’s not easy falling in love with a stranger.  It’s not easy finding the time to meet a stranger when nothing is happening, or not doing something so that you can meet up together.  I’m not saying love doesn’t happen within friends.  I’m not saying people grow old finding ways to appreciate each other instead of fairytale love, because of their dependance of association and lack of “zing!”  I’m saying it’s well worth it to have a girl that could leave you at any moment, but doesn’t.

Lenka could leave me today and I’d be left with nothing but memories of her.  No seeing each other over friendly activities, most likely never having to deal with one of my friends trying to date her.  Not having to see her on the arm of some other guy.  Not having to see her, period.  Just gone.  She has the right to not call me ever again.  She could delete me off facebook.  Never return my emails.  She could just say that she never wants to see me anymore and that’d be it.  She doesn’t need a reason.  She could just disappear.

But she hasn’t.

. . . . . and I haven’t either.

Last night, Saturday, we had a bonfire.  I was very on edge whether or not I’d be going.  The beach closed at 11pm and the fastest I’d make it there was 10pm.   I couldn’t find a ride because my car’s broken.  I couldn’t take the bus home because by the time we’d finish the buses would stop working.  And more randomly, I just got back home from Lenka’s house.  It literally was just 26 hours of not seeing each other, and it wasn’t easy passing through 4 cities for an hour and fifteen minute commute by train, bus, and walking.  Despite all of this, I really looked forward to a bonfire with her and all her friends, it sounded like fun.  I told Lenka I wasn’t going to meet up with her and her friends, it just logistically was not easy.  I heard the slight hum of sadness in her voice.  She finally said okay and let me off.  Immediately after she hung up my friend called me.

“Hey, so do you still need a ride?” he said.

When I got to the bonfire Lenka had bought me a forty of Blue Moon, my favorite beer.  We huddled together in front of our fire, and then moved on to another bonfire where we met more interesting people.  Being that I brought my guitar, I played a set of mainstream songs on the acoustic: “Closing time” by Semisonic, “The man who can’t be moved,” by The Script, and several others.  When we finally came home that night, she baked potato baloni, my favorite, and honey chicken with sage, my new favorite, as I played more guitar while she cooked.

The next morning, Lenka woke up in my arms.  The heat between our bodies warm under the blankets.  We talked for hours in bed like we’ve done several times before on the days she didn’t have to work.  She told me that she bought the beer for me, and the baloni for me, and really wished that I could make it to the bonfire because she really wanted me to be there, hoping that somehow I could make it just for a few minutes before the beach closed.

She smiled at me, her eyes slightly awakened from sleep.

“I figured if I did enough things the universe would know that I want you here.”

. . .  It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

How to make women’s lives miserable: The tragic story of the modern man.

In a world where chivalry is practically dead, where a feminist will not let a man open a door for her, and where more guys are paying for sex and jerking off to porn than ever, there is one man, the average man, the creepy guy who stares at a girl the wrong way from across the room until she leaves feeling awkward.  Who is that guy?  He’s the “needy” guy.

He’s the guy who pops down on one knee and proposes when he feels like his girlfriend is going to leave him.  Why does he do this?  It’s because he knows he’s been a crap boyfriend and he knows that you’re probably the best thing that ever happened to him.  And probably in most occurrences, he wants to continue to treat you like crap.

Tip for women:  Don’t get married before you turn 25.  Even better don’t get married until you’ve started drinking legally.

Us men, we’ve craved sex ever since we could understand ejaculation.  Us men!  Only 5% of us are truly monogamous.  How do I know that?  Because I watched Someone Like You and they just had that fun fact.  (HA!)  By the way, the movie was terrible acting but not so much an awful waste of time as most romantic comedies.

The truth is, most of us don’t know how to talk to women properly and more importantly, modernly.  Most men will never know how to approach a woman at a bar, or on the side of the street.  Some adult men can’t even talk to their coworkers because it’s too much to be in the presence of beautiful women.  And somehow men will always talk about how beautiful women are and give women the most incredible compliments that some women deserve to hear, yearn to hear, but unfortunately those women will never be around those conversations to hear it.

Somehow the average man will never admit that he sucks at talking to women, go on through life thinking that he has all the answers, drops the most panties, and doesn’t come home to his empty apartment with a bottle of Jack Daniels and stale refrigerated food.  Somehow the average man will never go out and ask for advice.  And sometimes, he’ll go out and get that much needed advice.  But however, most of the time the average man will never be paying attention.

The average man isn’t complicated.  Most of us somehow thought we had to stop learning after High School.

The average man is not at all complicated.  He just wants to be happy and lazy at the same time.

-Manor

Handling Being Fuck Buddies

“I just haven’t told her about you yet,” Lenka said.

“You haven’t told her that we’re fuck buddies,” I replied.

Lenka’s eyes sank down from mine.  She nervously smiled as her shoulders shrugged when she inhaled.  “I don’t like that word,” she said.

Lenka had never been in a relationship.  From what she told me, she was always nervous around boys and now men.  Although she was obviously beautiful, athletically slender, and most importantly, she had incredibly exceptional skills in the kitchen, she had never had the privilege of being asked out.  She believed that since she grew up this way she always had commitment issues.  She was scared of being anyone’s girlfriend.  She had never been part of an item.

I, on the other hand, wanted to be in a relationship.  The long pressured nights of trying to pull girl’s numbers, and find ways, and places, to pull off their clothes and fuck them was becoming stale and bland, not to mention took a heavy toll on who I wanted to be.  I, of course, enjoyed sex.  The chase for it was becoming less and less exciting.  After awhile I just wanted someone to hold in my arms and wake up next to.  I just wanted someone to stay.

I understood where Lenka was in life; just graduated college, lives in an apartment, no parties, dinner with wine, and a nine to five job.  She was an adult.  It was her time to have “me time.”  It was her time to be an independent woman, and I didn’t feel right imposing on that.

To be in a relationship is to hope that someday you’ll have someone plop on one knee and give the whole wedding snow brigade; the white diamond ring, the white dress, the white church, with white flowers, probably even in a few inches of fluffy white snow.  However, why would an early twenty something want to get into a relationship?  Are they saying, “Yeah I call this guy my boyfriend because I want him to marry me in a few months.”

If the twenty something relationship isn’t looking for wedding bells, what are you looking forward to, other than the end?  If this isn’t the ideal guy, what are they holding out for?  Is it because these young twenty something’s can’t see themselves having a fuck buddy, a sexual partner that comes in and out of their lives.  Or is it because they want to take long chastised turns at a time so they won’t be labeled as sluts, whores, or polygamist?

The human body yearns to have human contact.  Yearns for ecstasy, yearns for touch, lips, grabbing, sex, sex, and more sex.   In American society you never hear about a celebrity going from bed to bed to bed with other celebrities.  If it is, it’s at least hidden, and if it is you don’t hear much of it.  However, us American’s, love celebrity break ups, celebrity get togethers, and celebrity get back togethers.  For a long time I’ve wondered, what is it that makes young twenty somethings seat themselves into a relationship.

A few months ago I made future plans to go traveling.  I thought of gorgeous places like backpacking all over Europe; walking the hills of Ireland, taking pictures of Rome, partying in Barcelona, and exploring the taste of authentic Italian pizza.  I thought about vagabonding all over Asia, Australia, South America; attempting to dance horribly to Bollywood, exploring the jungles in Brazil, having a beer in Australia while staring at Koalas.  I wondered what it would all be like, the scents, the taste, the feel.  Then I laid there thinking, “Wouldn’t it be nice to share that with someone.”

By Jonathan Manor

The Cocky Funny Male

Humor is said to be the central piece of attracting the opposite sex.  Communication altogether is what most people believe their relationships thrive on.  So what is it that makes a man funny, but also attractive?  Clowns are funny, why is it that women everywhere aren’t flocking to more circuses and county fairs.  Maybe clowns are a little extreme for theory.  How about comedians, comedians are funny.  They have to be funny, their jobs depend on it.  Drew Carey, Jim Carey, Will Ferrell, David Spade, okay maybe David Spade’s not that laughable, but still why is it that women everywhere aren’t lining up to scratch on their hotel walls, breaking into their homes, lying stark naked on their new leather Armenian furniture.  Maybe to some extent some women have, but still why is it comedians aren’t seen as sexual idols, for women say humor is detrimental to attraction.  Humor has to be sexy, right?

Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester, Supernatural.

Confidence.  Unfortunately male sexual objects will always be the washboard abs and broad thick shoulder types.  However, there’s a type of confidence that branches off from humor.  It’s the type of humor that makes a woman go gaga and say things like, “Wow, did he really say that?”  This mixture of humor and confidence is practically known as “Cocky Funny.”

“Cocky Funny” is the use of large bashful amounts of sarcasm, and a whole lot of “know it all” personality.  It’s humor that’s meant to be playfully misdirecting.

Some examples of Cocky Funny characters are:

Damon Salvatore, Vampire Diaries:  The carnivorous rage peaking vampire played by Ian Somerhalder, is the cliche badboy rebel who underneath his sarcasm, brutal appetite, and hate for the world, has a soft spot for a girl that has broken his heart.

Tony Stark, Iron Man: The millionaire engineer, played by Robert Downey Jr, who built the Iron Man suit, a exoskeleton capable of flying mach speeds, shoots lazers and other projectiles, has a unearthly sense of spoiled narcissism.

Eddie, Someone Like You: Eddie a character played by Hugh Jackman, is seen as your flirtatious, say it as it is, simple answers type of guy who thrives on casual sex and blocking out any type of emotion, who ends up catching his coworker’s heart.

Dean Winchester, Supernatural: The not so serious, serious hunter is not only equipped with wooden stakes, holy water, salt rounds for shotguns, and an exorcism bible, he’s also equipped with one liners and pick up lines.  He has a soft spot for family.

Robert Downey Jr.  Tony Stark, Iron Man 2

How can I use cocky funny in my dating life.

A lot of humor has to do with misdirection, and confusing people.  An example of this is the Family Guy sketch where Peter is intercepted by someone who calls tells him to move his van which is really his son.  Doesn’t exactly make much sense, but it’s still hilarious.

There’s a few ways to be cocky funny with the girl your meeting for a date, and that’s practically by answering questions with an exaggerated response that she probably the opposite of what she was anticipating.

Examples 1:

Female:  So, how many women have you dated?

Male:  Somewhere around twelve hundred.  You meant last month right.

Example 2:

Female:  Oh did you get here early?

Male:  No, I actually exploded on the way over here.

Example 3:

Female:  What did you do earlier today?

Male:  Saved a few burning buildings, read an anthology on European history, cloned a sheep, y’know usual stuff.  You?  Anything exciting?

Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore, Vampire Diaries.

The advantages of Cocky Funny is the ability to turn any serious situation into something funny.  It also gives off this renegade, loner, rebel attitude.  A lot of women go bonkers for rebels.  There have been rebels throughout history, fiction, and the world.  Wolverine, Achilles played by Brad Pitt, James Dean, Shawn Hunter from Boy Meets World, Tyler Durden, Lancelot, the lead singer to practically any hair band in the 80’s.  Even Casanova himself was known as a rebel.

There are disadvantages to the Cocky Funny attitude.  People with cocky funny attitudes are usually people that play by their own rules.  And people who play by their own rules end up breaking rules.  A lot of Cocky Funny people don’t have a tight group of friends.  They’re almost never are known for being school spirited, high spirited, or ever dedicate themselves to anything which means commitment.  And the honest truth is that they have a hard time earning people’s respect.  Another honest truth that’s bound to happen to Cocky Funny people, to quote Boy Meets World when Shawn Hunter tries to swoon one of his classmates she replies, “You’re just not relationship material.”

Be warned though, trying to be something you’re not can have consequences.  I would never try to pull these stunts to my wife of ten years who believes I’m a adoring, sweet, religious man, who would never break any rules.  That’s just looking for trouble.

What’s your take on Cocky Funny?

Who’s your favorite Cocky Funny characters, celebrities, historical people?