Tag Archives: dating-theory

“You Want a Hug?”

When I was younger, sometime around high school, I started hugging people.  It was more for satire.  “You want a hug?” I would say with the most pouty puppy particular eyes.  I use to hug everyone.  I’d hug people I didn’t know.  I’d hug my teachers.  I’d ask a lot of people and they would turn me down, but for the most part people would spread their arms and for those two seconds in which my arms could wrap around their torso and then pull away, there was just that little something we all long for.

I was very destructive as a young boy.  I wanted to hurt everyone.  I wanted to see people fail.  I thrived on knowing my life wasn’t as bad as others.  But, I was almost always wrong.  I started understanding that people just didn’t know pain like I knew pain, and for that reason, I felt valiant.  Through imperfection I felt superior and because of that I stopped caring.  However, no matter how many times you would ask me how much I don’t care, how much I feel the need to be destructive, there’s still some sweet itty bitty child in me that just wants to remember what it was like to have a family, to have friends, and to be wanted.  If that’s true for me, the boy who rested his eyes over his own sad sorry life, and if everyone feels anger, pain, and anguish, then for the most part, I’m pretty sure a lot of people just want to feel like they belong somewhere.  I’m pretty sure people want to feel something real.

People want to feel wanted.

We spend so much time being angry at people.  We spend so much time trying to be cool.  We spend so much time trying to be better than people that some of us just don’t realize that we’re all in pain.  Somehow denial wraps around our heads and tells us we’re bigger than this, we can do this on our own, and we don’t need anyone to help us.  That may be true.  But it’s not going to make you happy.  I pushed everyone away my whole life; no one likes being alone.

Hugging, holding hands, cuddling, little tiny kisses on the cheek, it’s all a form of affection that people need.  People need affection.  Fuck the general population of people who think it’s awkward.  Screw the genre of thought behind handshakes and keeping your distance.  If a moment’s embrace is ill mannered than someone needs to rewrite the book on etiquette and put “hug everyone” on there.  Don’t waste your time being on anti-carebear protest.

The greatest gift is letting someone remember that they are loved.

This was my greatest gift post.  Check out these awesome greatest gift posts:

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Are You Over Her?

I’ll come back to Part 2 of “The Popular Kid Was Never That Good at Talking to Women,” but I just really wanted to write this while it was still recent.


“Are you over her?” Lenka asked.

6 months before I met my girlfriend, I met a girl named Paige.  It was last winter break, almost a whole year ago.  The thought of her still haunts me.  She broke me.  She broke me in a way that I thought would never be possible.  Every so often I remember what it was like to be with her.  I remember thinking about her, and losing her.

There’s an underlying property to falling in love with someone.  In some way, you can’t be caught up with someone else, even if they have left forever.  They somehow can’t be renting out a soft spot in your mind.  I don’t think that’s true.  I might be wrong.  The thing is, I try to move forward.  I try to move forward with everything in my life.  Just forward, just a clean b-line straight ahead to the next destination as fast and as eye level as possible.  However, the truth is, a lot of the things in my past still gnaw off little bits of my hopes for a future.  It’s not just with women; it’s sort of like this with a lot of the things in my life.

With every woman I’ve met, I tend to keep a piece of them with me whether I like it or not.  It’s a little encasing that just opens up whenever it feels like it, or it’s somehow triggered by specifically chosen items of nostalgia.  The problem that I had was that I always found something I truly liked in most of the women I dated.  I ended up finding something unique in the women who’ve come through my life, and it’s hard to let those things go.  It’s taken me awhile to forget a lot about the first girl I felt an emotional depth with.  But, on some level, to be honest, I kind of wish I hadn’t fully forgotten.

Lenka asked me, how I could fall in love with someone when my heart is somewhere else.  How can I fall in love with her when I’m not over Paige?  How is it possible?  It seems like there’s something absolutely totally wrong with that.

“Why do you love me?” I asked Lenka.

In a cute, sort of embarrassed, type of way, she told me things like how I make her laugh and how I make her happy.  As I listened over the phone, she ended up scrolling down a long list of bullet points as to why she loved me.  I already knew what I was going to tell her by the time she finished.

“If I loved you for all of those same reasons, would you call that love?”

The Popular Kid Was Never That Good at Talking to Women

“Have you ever bought something because someone told you that you should?”

Ever bought a book that Oprah recommended?  Went to a restaurant because it had high ratings on Yelp?  Or even bought something from a different less convenient grocery store simply because you found a sales coupon, or a online “groupon” to use?  This method of choosing things, is a lot like how most popular kids in high school ended up dating a lot more than everyone else. Ever since anyone could remember, everyone who knew anyone always wanted to date the popular guy; the jock, the athletically talented, the guy that everyone else knows and bows down to.  It’s been a worldwide phenomenon, especially in America.  America has wrapped it’s television viewers over the wants to date the prom queen, the hopes to date the captain of a rugged sport, or the youngest richest spoiled kid at school.  With titles like High School Musical, She’s All That, Gossip Girl, CW’s new series HellCats, 90210, Glee; it’s always been the cool, in thing to do, to fall mercilessly in love with someone popular.

The truth is, everyone who is popular ends up pathetic.  Not only that; everyone who wants or ends up dating them, are shallow.  Of course, there’s a narrow obvious disclaimer that there are almost some exceptions.  But, for the most part, it’s pretty much true.  Why would you buy a book from Oprah, what gives her the right to blindside you with her recommended merchandise?  Does Oprah know you? Has Oprah built a profile of attributes that she can compile to provide any effective description of you?  What makes Oprah so important that she should be your, your signature, your personal, life adviser?

The problem is not Oprah, Oprah is one person who likes things and tells people about those things.  She’s not the problem.  The problem is in the people who’ve consistently watched the show, they’ve let themselves become mindless drones set on finding direction.  A loss of direction and the tragedy that anyone would follow the very first person who can give them that direction, is none other than the equation for someone who is shallow.  Oprah is the prom queen.  She’s the mother bee.  And today, the modern day adult who buys her merchandise simply because it has an Oprah sticker on it, are the exact replica of the millions of kids who’ve long awaited and dreamed of the almost impossible day that they would hold hands with the quarterback of the football team.

Shallow people are worthless. Their plagiarized opinions, which ideally have originated down from the appealing thoughts of others, have practically nothing unique to say.  They’re a plague, an actual defined zombie experience.  And popular kids, unfortunately they’re no better.  If you’ve seen the television shows, the movies, the media, you’ll understand that these popular kids have to follow a certain way of life simply to appease everyone’s image of them and sustain their popularity.  No matter how much a popular kid loves modern contemporary dance, he or she can’t try it.  They can’t attempt it.  It’s too weird. You’ll see this a lot in Glee, jock wants everyone to think glee club is cool, it’s obviously not, so he ends up getting flack for it.  In this way, shallow people control the popular kids at school.  If for some reason the shallow kids lose interest, the popular kids fall off the map.

So who comes out on top?  The more important question, after high school: who ends up being the most socially effective person?  We’ve concluded that it wasn’t the many shallow people who’ve spent most of their teenage years worshiping a false idol.  And in some way, we can come to our own, personal, unique, and inventive, conclusions as to what happened to most popular kids from high school, who didn’t have football scholarships or something of the same significance.  Who then?  If both these parties have been lost in defeat, what person coming out of high school would be the most socially acceptable after graduation?  There are nerds that learn to become socially acceptable, it’s true.  There are goths that become socially acceptable, and there are people from less popular sports that become socially acceptable.  However, there is one candidate, who logically speaking, would tower over all others when it comes to social ability after high school.

Competition of Egos

Have you ever wonder why none of the big countries go to war with India?  I’m not talking about Imperialism; I’m talking about actual declarations of war.  (Don’t worry; this will tie in to the idea of popular kids and social hierarchy)  In World War 2, why did Germany go to war with most of Europe?  More interestingly, why did Germany ally themselves with Japan, one of the more technologically advanced countries in the universe?  Why didn’t Germany just take over small little countries, why was it bigger countries like France and the UK?  Political science teaches this as the competition of egos.  Germany, Adolf Hitler, they went to war with countries with advanced technology, strong military, supplies, etc.  What would Germany have accomplished going to war with India?  What’s in India?  There’s no military in India, their technology isn’t as advanced, and they don’t have very much to see in supplies.  There wouldn’t be a lot to profit by going to war with a country that doesn’t have these things.

It’s the same with the social structure of popularity.  You don’t see the popular football athletes going to war with the stoners.  Why bother? You don’t see the cheerleaders giving a slight glance at the nerds in the computer lab.  Even the slightly social student body, nobody really cares about them socially.  They do their job, nobody bothers them.  So who would the popular group of kids have to go to war with?  Who clashes with them?  Who irritates them?  Who is so powerful, that that person can steal the thoughts away from popular kids and make a dent in their social beings?  There has to be someone that has those properties.  More importantly, if this person can rise above the popular kids, separate themselves from the shallow kids, and in some way have the same social rapport as popular kids, logically, this person, would make it out of high school as the social pinnacle of an adult social hierarchy.  Who then, has the best chance of that?

. . . enter the anti-hero.


To be continued. . .

Us Men, We Talk Too Much.

Jonathan: You’re a hottie!

Emily: I don’t know about that.

Jonathan: It’s not for you to know.  It’s for us men to talk about secretly forever until you whither away unappreciated. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Do You Want to Have Sex With Every Girl You’ve Ever Wanted? (with no attachments)

I dated a lot for the past 2 years. A lot. I really don’t want to go into detail. The boring, okay, somewhat exciting truth is that the whole time, I spent it looking for a girlfriend. I was looking for the right girl. A girl that didn’t leave me and a girl that I didn’t want to leave.

Having sex with multiple women seems cool if you’re a college idiot with hopes that your whole life could play out like some teenage American Pie sexual comedy. But it’s not. It’s really just stupid. It’s not real. It’s like collecting shiny rocks that aren’t worth anything.

For example: There’s no diamonds or rubies. You end up classifying every girl like every other rock you see in every other person’s front yard. There’s so many of them. You see them every day. Maybe this rock looks pointier, maybe this blonde has a skinnier face or a tighter butt. But they’re objects. You leave before you could get to know anything. There’s no emotion. It’s just a surface world where nothing’s real.

For some reason, a lot of people hate the idea of being vulnerable. It’s always power this, wanting that, paying the cheapest price to get to where you want. Those people make horrible novels. Terrible biographies. They go to China, Brazil, Italy, in search for destiny and they experience nothing. They go chasing after things because that’s all they know. They never know when to just stay. When to be happy. Or they somehow discover some obscure happiness after years of searching. However, they could’ve been happy this whole time just if they let themselves be happy.  Everything’s possible where you are!

Every girl that I was intimate with in my past I push back in my memory. And I’m pretty sure a lot of the women who broke me push me to the back of their minds too. However, the girl that you choose that wants to stay in bed for the next few months with you, grows with you, challenges you, makes you understand that you just don’t know everything.

Single and Awesome. It’s more like single and lost, looking for the next flavor, the next number, and the next shiny stone that would probably be worth a lot more to you if you just stopped looking for every other rock.

That’s my two cents. Do what makes you happy. . .

Advice Column: The Guy All Girls Want

From User:

The following response was to a user on a forum who opened a thread asking for help on his relationship.  He found out that his girlfriend was still in contact with a guy she kissed at a bar that she was attracted to a long time ago.  Overall he felt intimidated by this other man.  He believed this guy was better than him.  He understood that he did have trust issues and that he did feel jealousy.  He wanted to know how he could overcome these issues and become a better person, without having his girlfriend leave him.

From Jonathan Manor:

I’m going to hand the only information that you’ll probably need on the subject.  You need to do two things.

  1. Stop moping. Just stop.
  2. There is no lesson plan, guide, self help book, or advice anyone will ever give you that will make you become a more passionate person. Nothing. Not the way of the superior man, not the power of now, not a 232 page book that tells you why you need direction. It’s all beta material. It’s all confirming the fact that you don’t know anything.

The fact is, you don’t need to know anything. You don’t. You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to try hard, life isn’t about trying hard. It’s not. You need experience. And cutting yourself off from the world so you could mope is not experience, it’s stalemate.

People, not just women, people altogether fall in love with the person who has something going on for themselves. Ask yourself, “If you didn’t have a girlfriend, where would you be?”

In fact, right now, you’re acting as if you don’t have a girlfriend. As if she’s already left you. You’re moping, crying, and figured out you’ll stay pathetic (sorry dude it’s the truth) Even if that were true, even if you’re girlfriend did leave you, sooner or later you’re going to have to figure out what you want to do with your life. Are you going to pursue something? Are you going to stand for something? What are you going to do?

You could take the cheap way out which is, when she breaks up with you, jump over to another relationship. You know what that says about you, that you’re cheap. Anyone could have you. You have nothing going for your life, and you have nothing to show except for your dependence on the opposite sex.

Some women do this all the time. They jump from relationship to relationship because they can’t handle being alone. They can’t handle being themselves. So once they get back on the market, they post a for sale sign out in the open, and y’know what, guys will take it. Guys will run after it! Why, because it’s cheap.

You’re a cheap man. You’re dependent on this woman. Anyone will leave you. You have nothing going for you. You’re like the worn down sweater you get at Goodwill that nobody wants, hoping that someone will buy you.

That’s your advice. Do something with your life.

If You Want Her to Fall in Love with You, Compliment her Nose!

In 2006, 220,000 women got some type of surgical procedure for their nose.  The scientific term for a nose job, or a plastic surgical procedure on the nose, is called rhinoplasty.  Plastic surgery is a controversial subject in America.  With celebrities influencing young women, something like Ashley Simpson getting a nose job to retouch her nose gives off the message that, “it’s okay to not think you’re beautiful.”  It’s okay to change things about yourself if you don’t like them. This type of influence encourages women to not love things about themselves and get them to want to change everything about the way they look.  There’s a lot of physical aspects women tend to want to change about their body.  Things such as the perkiness of their breasts, the firmness of their midsection, and the inflammation of their tooshie. A woman’s nose is one of the top aspects on that list of things women want to change about themselves.  It’s unlikely that a woman will spend hours putting on their make up, choosing the right earrings, and putting on the right lipstick, only to say, “Wow, my nose is amazing!” It’s just not practical.  It’s weird to enjoy the feature of your nose especially after media, literature, and basically everyone throughout history has put so much emphasis on women’s eyes, smile, and breasts.

Eyes, lips, hair, stomach, breasts, and legs; all these are usually the main focus of what is beautiful.  There’s a suffocating obsession with makeup, lipstick, hair products, and shapeable bras that gets women into retail stores like Victoria Secret, Mac, and Sephora, to buy item brands like Revlon, Pink, Vidal Sassoon, and Britney’s Spear’s scented perfume, Circus.  These women come home spend hours on their makeup, surgically guide a brush across their nails, and go off to the city immediately before their hair has time to lose its maximum volume.  Then when a strange man you haven’t met approaches you through the corner of your peripheral vision, and he tells you ““You have beautiful eyes!”” as if he was reading some blatant scripture off some obscure Esquire magazine passage; you say to yourself, “”Thanks. . . I know!””

“However, what if he compliments your nose?”

Now you missed something, now didn’t you?  Women spend all their time revamping and decorating delicate intricate Van Gogh like paintings on their eyes, lips, and nails that they forget their nose.  There’s only so much a woman can do about her nose. Maybe implement a slight touch of some fluffy powder or something, however, it just isn’t that flexible.  It is practically the only bare feature specifically centered on a woman’s face which she cannot drastically change the appearance of.  So when a guy comes up and says, “”You have an absolutely beautiful nose!”” You’re baffled.  You become insanely belligerent.  You become intrigued and curious.  And maybe even in some drastic instances you fall apart and cry, because it is the one and only thing that’s still real about you. It’s the one thing you can’t hide.

We fall in love with the people who fall in love with our imperfections.

Our imperfections tend to be the things we can’t change or choose to not change about ourselves.  Our perfections are what everyone loves about us.  The fact that someone can acknowledge that you’re smart, funny, athletic, and down to Earth, doesn’t get you wedding bells and satin silk sheets as you lay her naked body under the night sky peering into her bedroom.  Those are obvious things everyone else notices. Those are the same things every guy tells her about, and practically the same things the rest of the population of men on Earth wishes he could comment about.  It just doesn’t get you far to make an instant observation.  If the world’s sexiest woman fell in love with all the men who noticed the first thing everyone else notices about her, than we’d all be married to that same girl.  (Which as of 2010’s Maxim’s Hottest Woman List states, that girl would be Katy Perry)

However, when you acknowledge the unlikely and more practically irritating and annoying features in a woman’s arsenal of things she recognizes as flaws, then you touch something else.  Something deep.  The way she snorts when she laughs, her sincere sophisticated tone that she uses when she talks down to people, the obvious dark gray mole riding the side of her nose.  These are all imperfections.  They are also her signature. They are the things that make her different from everyone else in the world.  When someone can acknowledge that and enjoy those unlikely features, then that girl you like will know that you can let her be who she really is.

That’s a relevant essential piece to the idea of love.  The fact that you can understand someone for who they are.

 

 

Read last relationship lesson:

The remedy for the too aggressive or too passive man

Facts from: http://www.articlesbase.com/health-articles/

In 2006, 220,000 women got some type of surgical procedure for their nose.  The scientific term for a nose job, or a plastic surgical procedure on their nose, is called rhinoplasty.  Plastic surgery is a controversial subject in America.  With celebrities influencing young women, something like Ashley Simpson getting a nose job to retouch her nose certainly gives the message that, “it’s okay to not think you’re beautiful.”  It’s okay to change things about yourself if you don’t like them.  This type of influence encourages women to not love things about themselves and want to change everything they look like.  There’s a lot of physical aspects women tend to want to change about their body.  Things such as the perkiness of their breasts, the firmness of their midsection, and the inflammation of their tooshie.  A woman’s nose is one of the top things on that list of things women want to change.  It’s unlikely that a woman will spend hours putting on their make up, choosing the right earrings, and putting on the right lipstick, only to say, “Wow, my nose is amazing!”  It’s just not practical.  It’s weird to enjoy the feature of your nose especially after media, literature, and basically everyone throughout history has put so much emphasis on women’s eyes, smile, and breasts.

Eyes, lips, hair, breasts, abdomen, legs; all these are usually the main focus of what is beautiful.  There’s a suffocating obsession with makeup, lipstick, shampoos, and shapeable bras that gets women into retail stores like Victoria Secret, Mac, and Sephora, to buy item brands like Revlon, Pink, Vidal Sassoon, and Britney’s Spear’s scented perfume, Circus.  These women come home spend hours on their makeup, surgically guide a brush across their nails, and go off to the city immediately before their hair has time to lose its maximum volume.  Then when a strange man you haven’t met approaches you through the corner of your peripheral vision, and he tells you “You have beautiful eyes,” as if he was reading some blatant scripture off some obscure Esquire magazine passage, you say to yourself, “”Thanks. . . I know!””

However, what if he compliments your nose?

Now you missed something, now didn’t you?  Women spend all their time revamping and decorate delicate intricate Van Gogh like paintings on their eyes, lips, and nails that they forget their nose.  There’s only so much a woman can do about her nose. (bold/ italics)    Maybe implement a slight touch of some fluffy powder or something, however, it just isn’t that flexible.  It is practically the only bare feature specifically centered on a woman’s face which she cannot drastically change the appearance of.  So when a guy comes up and says, “”You have an absolutely beautiful nose!””  You’re baffled.  You become insanely belligerent.  You become intrigued and curious.  And maybe even in some drastic instances you fall apart and cry, because it is the one and only thing that’s still real about you.  It’s the one thing you can’t hide.

We fall in love with the people who fall in love with our imperfections.

Our imperfections tend to be the things we can’t change or choose to not change about ourselves.  Our perfections are what everyone(italics) loves about us.  The fact that someone can acknowledge that you’re smart, funny, athletic, and down to Earth, doesn’t get you wedding bells and satin silk sheets as you lay her naked body under the night sky peering into her bedroom.  Those are obvious things everyone else notices. Those are the same things every guy tells her about, and practically the same things the rest of the population of men on Earth wishes he could tell her about.  It just doesn’t get you far to make an instant observation.  If women fell in love with all the men who noticed the first thing everyone else notices about her, than we’d all be married to that same girl.  (Which as of 2010’s Maxim’s Hottest Woman List states, that girl would be Katy Perry)

However, when you acknowledge the unlikely and more practically irritating and annoying features in a woman’s arsenal of things she recognizes as flaws, then you touch something else.  Something deep.  The way she snorts when she laughs, her sincere sophisticated tone that she uses when she talks down to people, the obvious dark gray mole riding the side of her nose.  These are all imperfections.  They are also her signature.  They are the things that make her different from everyone else in the world.  When someone can acknowledge that and enjoy those unlikely features, then that girl you like will know that you can let her be who she really is.

That’s a relevant essential piece to the idea of love.  The fact that you can understand someone for who they are.

Facts from:  http://www.articlesbase.com/health-articles/rhinoplasty-women-and-nose-jobs-346001.html